Haunted By My Absent-mindedness

I woke up the other morning from a dream (a very vivid dream) of a girlfriend from my past. Its coming on twenty years since we spent roughly nine months on our emotional rollercoaster. This was no kiddie ride; it was the corkscrew, the bluestreak, the Topgun of emotional rollercoasters. In the dream she was calling out to me for help. It seemed she was very alone and was regretting letting me go. My male ego seems to kick it up a notch in my dreams. When I awoke I went over the dream and then remembered the last time I had seen her. I was at York University taking my first course and was writing an essay for which I had only 30 minutes to pen. A couple of my classmates and myself went to the cafeteria downstairs to work. After about ten minutes I looked up to see her walk past our table and take a seat with a friend. At first I just thought it was an uncanny resemblance until after a few moments when she looked up from her table and nodded in my direction to her friend who in turn looked back towards me. I then knew it was her, but I didn't (couldn't) go say hello due to this paper I was writing. My friends left the table before me and I continued writing until the latest possible moment. I then ran up to the class to submit my paper which, coincidentally recieved the highest grade in the class (that ego again). I wholeheartedly meant to return to the cafeteria after class to say hello to her and enquire as to how she was, what she was doing etc... After handing in my essay I had to read a previous work out loud to the class as this prof. always had the top two essays orated. I get so flustered and nervous when it comes to public speaking that I was still edgy after class. My mind was still on public speaking when I got home and realized I had missed my opportunity to return to the cafeteria. What a fool I can be. I don't believe either of us has ever had closure on the relationship and I regret that lost opportunity. JZ, if you are out there, I just wanted to thank you. You showed me so many things about myself and even though the lows were difficult and very painful, the highs were sublime and some of my best memories. I am not bitter about the way you handled yourself at the end of our relationship and truly hope you found the happiness you deserve. As blind as some may think me to be, a part of me will always love you and hope the best for you.