Sunday, August 27, 2006

Local Union #4 of the Drunk Skanks

I was awoken from sleep this morning at roughly 3:30 am by loud voices. I could hear a group of girls bantering in what I surmised was a drunken state. I thought they were quite rude for walking the streets at this hour waking residents up, but I lay in bed believing they would soon pass and I could go back to sleep. They did not pass. The voices continued. I got up to peer through a window and lo and behold there lay four figures lying under the maple tree in our sideyard. I got up and dressed and went outside to ask them to leave. When they saw me two of the girls began to apologize and that they would move on, but one was not moving saying "I'm not fucking moving. Tell him to fuck off". I became angry and began yelling at them to get the fuck out of my yard. I approached them and after a few more word exchanges these girls (they must have been 16 year olds) became aggressive and wanted to fight me. One girl charged at me and when I put up my fists to defend myself she stepped back and said "You would hit a girl?" Doh! One of the other girls was being held back by her friend. Not wanting to partake in more of this nonsense I went inside to call the police. While inside I heard some loud slamming against the house and ran back out to see the girls running down the street "Run, he's calling the cops". I quickly found the cause of the noise; they had taken an eavestrough transfer pipe and destroyed it. I called the cops and after 15 minutes of waiting I got in the car and looked for the girls. After 15 minutes I went home and was met by the police....finally. In a small town I am confident I will find the identity of these girls relatively soon. I was a shit disturber at that age, but never was I so disrespectful or blatantly stupid as these four skanks. As the police officer sarcastically put it "How could you dare ask them to leave your yard when all these yards belong to them."

3 comments:

Ms. Wilderness said...

Wow, you are like a SIR now. You know, like Mister.

"Hey YOU GADAMN KIDS, GET OUT OF MY GADAMN YARD"

Nawwwww, you ain't like that.

Troubles Braids said...

Believe me, I do not want to be a grouchy old hardass. Just bad luck that these drunks picked my yard. I am sure they will grow up to be upstanding women in the fields of porn, fast food serving or government employees in the mothers allowance division.

Anita said...

hehehehe..Oh thank goodness it's not just us.....we secretly put the number of the warden in our cell phone before heading to your campsite on September long weekend in case some of them youngens caused a ruckus past 9pm....BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Plan B is letting our loud, squeaky voiced 5 year old run around the park at full tilt when he wakes up...which is around 6:30....HOW'S YOUR HEAD YOUNGENS....??