That Confounded Communication Device

I am not answering the phone any more. If you call my number you will here an answering machine telling you---> "Hello. You've reached the home of Troubles, Theo, Rain and Cassidy. Please leave us a message." If I want to talk to you I will pick up before you finish your message or I will definitely call you back. This is the way it has to be. I cannot take the chance that the person calling will be a telemarketer, that blank air we often get these days or, even worse, one of my in-laws. More specifically, my mother-in-law or father-in-law. Why, you ask? I am glad you want to know. Here is an example: I awake this morning to have a lovely breakfast before my lovely Theo takes our lovely girls out on a few lovely errands. A few minutes later the phone rings and being that I am in such a great mood and feeling social I decide to pick up the receiver. It is my father-in-law. You need to understand that this is a man who has all the social skills of a four year old. If you have put on weight he is going to let you know about it. If you have done some work around the house he is going to belittle it. If you make a point in a conversation he is going to argue it and it does not matter if he is wrong or right. That has nothing to do with it. He just loves to argue and seems to thrive on people getting pissed off at him. He will also speak any faults he perceives you to have regardless of his own for he feels he is as close to perfect as people can get. My heart sank a little when I heard his voice, but I was in a good mood and I already picked up the call so....he asks me what I have been up to and when I tell him I have been doing a lot of yard work he asks what kind of work at this time of year. Eight of the large paper compost bags of leaves kind of work and he tells me that it is nothing and it is only half an hours work. I voice my disagreement and he tells me to "Come on, get serious" and I realize he is baiting me into an argument so I stop arguing. He starts fishing for more information to use as fodder and, being somewhat of a master on the subject, I deftly snuff out his foray until he quickly becomes bored of me and moves onto the rest of my family. Still not taking the bait he gets bored and says he will call back later. And there it is; the end of my conversation and the beginning of a pissy mood. So, I try to stay positive yet my thoughts take over and I ponder on how this is my life these days. Somewhat boring what with in-law squabbles and yard work and job hunting and telemarketers and phone calls and leaking pools and Christmas lights and cooking and Elton John and blogging and youtube and hockey and movies blah.... Five years ago I was jumping off cliffs into Lake Superior. Watching a yearling black bear with my oldest as she (the bear not my daughter) ate termites from an old stump. Swimming almost daily. Meditating. And then I catch myself. I have a very good life. So, I go to get cleaned up and then out for an adventure along a trail somewhere, or the beach at Longpoint or a ride to Waterford. And I will no longer think of my in-laws for the time being.