As 12:00 am Approaches

I want to wish everyone a happy new year now in case I pass out in the next few minutes. I am sick. So very sick. I just want to get drunk and crash cars. No pity replies please. Just be good to yourselves and I thank you for being in my life. Make a resolution you have a chance of keeping and try to do something nice for a loved one today like fetching them a barf bucket or some gravol.

The Godfather of Soul



James Brown has died at 73. His heart gave out under the stress of severe pneumonia early Christmas morning. Many will remember him for his troubled times during the 80's and 90's for his arrests involving drug possession, firearms violations and domestic violence which tarnished an otherwise stellar career. When Martin Luther King was assasinated and riots broke out, it was Brown who was called in to help quell the situation. He preached love and played a large part in pushing the movement for racial pride. When "Say It Out Loud--I'm Black and I'm Proud" was released it was a landmark statement which pretty much brought an end to the term "coloured". He was proof that words and music could help change the world.

One For the "Ladies"

This is for all you guys out there that are stuck with no gift for that special someone in your life. When diamonds or other extravagant gifts just don't relate your feelings of how you feel about her. If you really have that desire to show her how you really feel, perhaps this is a gift you should consider.

Magic Moments

It was 1992 at Buckeye Lake, Ohio where I was attending a Grateful Dead concert that I met Vernon. At Dead concerts there were very often areas sectioned off where people sold/bartered wares which was called Shakedown Street. I wasn't feeling all that great so I lay down on a patch of grass in the shade. People walked by me asking if I was alright to which I responded I was fine although I could feel another headache coming on and I actually felt like crap. Like really hungover without the benefit of having gotten drunk. Yet another person asked me if I was alright and I told him yes I was. He knelt down beside me and asked if I was sure. "Just feeling run down is all. No worries." He told me his name and that he was a naturopath/chiropractor from the Smokey Mountains and asked me specific questions about my health to which I played along. Within a few minutes he had me with one leg in the air with one hand on my shoulder and the other at the base of my neck. I then felt and heard a quick violent snap and.....relief. I was energized, headache free, awake. I felt marvellous. I offered him money which he would not take, but eventually he let me buy him a grilled cheese sandwhich and a beer. He told me of his life in the mountains where he bartered for his services. People would bring him chickens, veggies and goats etc... to pay for his healing hands and some would pay cash so he had a comfortable life. He was full of good energy and he passed that onto me. The rest of the day and evening I had one of the best times of my life which I shared with anyone and everyone around me. Amazing what a little healing and postive energy can do for a person and another and another and another....

A Morning In the Life

It's 8:10am, my girls are not yet dressed and their bus will arrive at 8:25am. They have two speeds: slow and stop. Rain is trying to push clothes for Cass under the bathroom door. Cass is yelling from the bathroom "No, not that one". I open the door to see Cass in nothing but underwear attempting to pull a shirt over her head. I take her into the den to her dresser and find pants for her, but no socks. I ask Rain to look for socks in the clean clothes basket we haven't sorted, folded or put away. I throw my jeans and some socks on telling the girls to go put their shoes on. I approach the landing to see Rain with her ski-doo boots on and Cass with one shoe on and the visible foot without a sock on it. I look at Rain "I though I asked you to get her socks". She responds "Oh yea. I got the umbrellas". Which is all fine and good if it were raining which it's not. I ask her to get socks. Meanwhile Cass has managed to change her long sleeve shirt to a t-shirt so I try to find a sweater for her. Rain comes back with two different socks which at this point no longer matters to me. I put them on Cass and find a sweater that fits her. I get their coats on, mittens, backpacks and I can hear the bus approaching. "Run!!!!" I yell as I grab them by the hands and race across the street (looking both ways) to just make the bus on time. As I re-enter the house I see my reflection in the mirror on our landing. I forgot to put a hat on and my hair is standing in a semi-mohawk. My eyes are sleep covered and I have coffee stains all over the front of my shirt. And I think "I forgot to brush their hair".

Verification

I always get the craziest verification codes. You might see a code like trggui or xzvcdd, but not me. Mine are always defjgtoddlqokalesjxnhdui and zlxkpqaivuyfjdtg. And not that easy to read lettering either. The ones I am presented with require inspection and concentration and I must recheck to make sure I have it right which very often it isn't. I have pissed off a few people in my time so maybe the person running the verification thing is someone from my past. Perhaps an old flame (or spark) or someone who had the misfortune of trying to have a conversation with me when I was really drunk. Maybe it's revenge for all the bad poetry I wrote while intoxicated. Not only did it suck and make no sense, it was pretty much illegible unless you were drunk enough to read drunk.

Fruitcake Lady

This may be old hat for you people, but it's the first I heard of her. Thought she was cute.

It's Up

We let the girls do most of it and they had a blast. They were so focused on the task that they finished the job very quickly.

Peter Boyle



The mainstream will know Peter Boyle as Frank on "Everybody Loves Raymond", but Boyle had a very lengthy and respectable portfolio of work dating back to the mid 60's with roles in films such as Taxi Driver, Joe, Young Frankenstein, Medium Cool, The Candidate and Monster's Ball. To me, Boyle always seemed to tower over the other characters in his films. He was bigger than life and seemed to dominate the screen even besides the likes of Robert DeNiro and Robert Redford. A good friend of John Lennon who was Boyle's best man at his wedding to Lorraine Alterman of Rolling Stone. In the early 90's Boyle had to learn to speak again after suffering a stroke. I have always liked Boyle even though I am no fan of Ray Romano. My fave tv appearance was when he played Clyde Bruckman on the X-Files.

"I don't think I would be an actor if I was all that intelligent." P. Boyle

And the Answers Are

1) The African Queen
2) Airplane
3) Animal Crackers
4) Annie Hall
5) Apocalypse Now
6) Being There
7) Bladerunner
8) Blazing Saddles
9) The Breakfast Club
10)Bringing Up Baby
11)Caddyshack
12)The Caine mutiny
13)The Ciderhouse Rules
14)Cool Hand luke
15)The Court Jester
16)Dirty Harry
17)Dr. Strangelove
18)Duck Soup
19)Duck Soup
20)Ferris Bueller's Day Off
21)Five Easy Pieces
22)The Godfather Part II
23)Harold and Maude
24)Harvey
25)In the Heat of the Night
26)It's a Wonderful Life
27)The King of Comedy
28)MASH
29)Mister Roberts
30)Animal House

How did you make out?

Do You Know Your Movies?

See if you can guess what movies these quotes come from:

1) "Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put into this world to rise above."

2) "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."

3)"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know."

4) "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."

5) "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."

6) "I like to watch."

7) "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."

8) "Excuse me while I whip this out."

9) "Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns!"

10) "It isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you; but, well, there haven't been any quiet moments!"

11) "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!"

12) "Ah, but the strawberries! That's, that's where I had them."

13) "Good night, you princes of Maine, you kings of New England."

14) "What we've got here is failure to communicate."

15) "The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle. The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true."

16) "You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"

17) "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"

18) "I could dance with you 'til the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows 'til you came home."

19) "I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth."

20) "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

21) "Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules."

22) "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."

23) "L-I-V-E! Live! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room."

24) "Well, I've wrestled with reality for thirty-five years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."

25) "They call me Mister Tibbs!"

26) "Look, Daddy. Teacher says, 'Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.'"

27) "Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime."

28) "Oh, Frank, my lips are hot. Kiss my hot lips."

29) "Captain, it is I, Ensign Pulver, and I just threw your stinking palm tree overboard. Now, what's all this crud about no movie tonight?"

30) "Over? Did you say 'over?' Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!"

Answers to follow.

*Le Sigh*




My beautiful wife. She inspires me, she is sexy, smart, understanding, patient, loving, a great mother, loyal and for some crazy reason she is totally smitten with me. And I feel totally blessed to have two girls with her. And everything else I want to write is way too mushy and I can't have you all thinking I'm a softy. If you are thinking I am a softy I will frick you up, man.

Under the Radar

A couple of films that have probably passed under yours (and most peoples) radar screens which offer the viewer an engaging story with superb performances are Big Bad Love and The World's Fastest Indian.



The World's Fastest Indian is a story about New Zealander Burt Munro (portrayed by Anthony Hopkins) who, in his advanced years and heart trouble, travelled to America and the Salt Flats of Bonneville to break the streamlined under 1000cc land speed record on his custom built Indian Motorcycle. The write up of the film does it no justice. Hopkins is amazing in this film delivering a character performance that only a master could pull off and the direction is tight. Whether the storyline appeals to you or not is of no consequence. See this film for Hopkins performance.



Big Bad Love is one of those films that definitely does not possess mass appeal which, to me, is not necessarily a bad thing. Arliss Howard plays the lead, a troubled Vietnam vet trying to get his writing published while struggling with alcohol, mood swings and his separation from his children and his wife played by Debra Winger (who is his real life wife). Strong performances are turned in by Howard, Debra Winger, Paul LeMat, Rosanna Arquette and Angie Dickinson. Howard was the executive producer, director and screenwriter for the film giving the Larry Brown short stories a cohesive flow capturing the moody, emotional, melancholy yet still hopeful essence of his offerings. Tom Waits composed the score for the film.

Tsunami

The Fifth Estate aired "Tsunami: Untold Stories" last night which dealt with the natural disaster in 2004 that ravaged the coasts of Sumatra, Thailand, Indonesia, India, East Africa, Maldives,Myanmar, Maylasia and Sri Lanka. I found it interesting that, as we near the second anniversary of this tragedy, how little news coverage this received after the initial hit. The outpouring of support in the moment was swift and substantial, yet we failed by far to bring relief to the areas victims as far as long term support goes. Like most major events that span our globe, the news spreads quickly and most of us become caught up in the drama. Yet, within a relatively short period of time, we go on to forget about an event long before the people who suffer through them can return to some form of normalcy. Watching a 15 year old Sri Lankan boy talk about his ordeal, how he clung onto a bed while his mother and sisters were washed away to their deaths, was heart wrenching. Watching him articulate his experience calmly, almost emotionless, while his eyes exposed the pain clearly. The Norwegian couple who got separated and their separate experiences. The father with two of their three children, one of which is 8 months old and lost in the wall of water they became entrapped in. I am not saying that I am better than anyone else out there by writing this. It is not like I am any different from the majority. I guess I just wish we were not so concerned about citizenship, religion, boundaries, etc... meaningless things in times of disaster. Nature does not recognize our differences. Nature does not discriminate. Bleeding heart liberal? Commy? Idealist? How about human being.

http://www.cbc.ca/fifth/tsunami/

This Is Hilarious

Theo and I were laying in bed watching tv when this commercial came on. We nearly pissed ourselves laughing at the uber cheese. It aired just before America's Next Top Model which is also uber cheese. Can we cater to a lower denominator? I am sure they are working that out as I write and you peruse.

Dog Day

It's a dog eat dog world out there and this little one is already one step up on the competition. So what if she has misinterpreted what society believes that statement to be. No one would mess with her for the sheer fact alone that they could never keep a straight face.

A Western Classic



The first time I watched this movie was in the basement of our old house on Cartier St. when I was 15 years old. I would come home after partying with friends and make a few peanutbutter and jam sandwiches and head to the basement to watch a movie. I believe it was CBC that would air two late movies in a row beginning at midnight and they were usually of an adult variety. These are the movies that changed my life. They were mind altering experiences that directed me towards a more worldly view. McCabe and Mrs. Miller, Mash, Little Faus and Big Halsey, Downhill Racer, Serpico,Jeremiah Johnson, The Parallax View, Harry and Tonto, Harold and Maude, Midnight Cowboy, Little Big Man, Five Easy Pieces, Being There. I could go on and on. Some of the best American cinema was created in the 60's and 70's. Movies full of character and meaning. Deep plots that delved into the human condition; the social heartbeat. Plots attacked the military/industrial complex, human rights violations and injustices, corruption. In those days of film directors were given a wider creative birth. Film was more experimental than the "tried and true" formula of today's films. Sometimes we are thrown a great film in this age, but never in the same frequency of years before.

Day After Tomorrow

I got your letter today
And I miss you all so much, here
I can't wait to see you all
And I'm counting the days, dear
I still believe that there's gold
At the end of the world
And I'll come home
To Illinois
On the day after tomorrow

It is so hard
And it's cold here
And I'm tired of taking orders
And I miss old Rockford town
Up by the Wisconsin border
But I miss you won't believe
Shoveling snow and raking leaves
And my plane will touch tomorrow
On the day after tomorrow

I close my eyes
Every night
And I dream that I can hold you
They fill us full of lies
Everyone buys
About what it means to be a soldier
I still don't know how I'm supposed to feel
About all the blood that's been spilled
Look out on the street
Get me back home
On the day after tomorrow

You can't deny
The other side
Don't want to die
Any more than we do
What I'm trying to say,
Is don't they pray
To the same God that we do?
Tell me, how does God choose?
Whose prayers does he refuse?
Who turns the wheel?
And who throws the dice
On the day after tomorrow?

Mmmmmmm...
I'm not fighting
For justice
I am not fighting
For freedom
I am fighting
For my life
And another day
In the world here
I just do what I've been told
You're just the gravel on the road
And the one's that are lucky
One's come home
On the day after tomorrow

And the summer
It too will fade
And with it comes the winter's frost, dear
And I know we too are made
Of all the things that we have lost here
I'll be twenty-one today
I've been saving all my pay
And my plane will touch down
On the day after tomorrow
And my plane it will touch down
On the day after tomorrow

--Tom Waits--

Tom Waits was on The Daily Show last night. I have always liked his music and film work, but even more, I think the guy is just the coolest. I think I admire him so much because he's always done his own thing. Jon Stewart mentioned that he respected Waits for not jumping from fad to fad like Madonna. And while I have nothing against Madonna, Stewart makes a great point. Waits remains true to his expression of the self he has created or chosen to portray to us. And I believe fans of Waits are rarely if ever dissapointed with his offerings.

Death of a Master Film Maker

Better late than never to give a shout out to the recently deceased Robert Altman Feb. 25, 1925-Nov. 20, 2006. Altman directed a few of my fave films including MASH, McCabe and Mrs. Miller, The Long Goodbye, Nashville, Shortcuts, Gosford Park. I always loved how he could draw me into a film to the point of forgetting where I was. I almost felt a part of the film. He never enjoyed the mass popularity of some of his peers, but I believe that due to his method of story telling. Never one to cater to the mainstream, Altman was a director for the intellectual/artistic audience. His free speaking improve dialogue added a touch more reality to his work and his way of overlapping dialogue and characters was masterful. I know many people who were not a fan of Altman, but I defy any one of them to not find at least one of his films in their list of classics.

What Would the Dude Do?

Sometimes you just gotta throw on some Bob, stretch out on the floor and say fuck it. Even if, when you open your eyes, you get socked in the jaw. You might as well make the best of it and at least trip on your induced dream state. Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar eats you.

The Man In Me by Bob Dylan

The man in me will do nearly any task,
And as for compensation, there's little he would ask.
Take a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.

Storm clouds are raging all around my door,
I think to myself I might not take it any more.
Take a woman like your kind
To find the man in me.

But, oh, what a wonderful feeling
Just to know that you are near,
Sets my a heart a-reeling
From my toes up to my ears.

The man in me will hide sometimes to keep from bein' seen,
But that's just because he doesn't want to turn into some machine.
Took a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.

What A Save

Off to the Riverview P.S. outdoor rink at roughly age 8. I wonder sometimes if the rink was more my home than our old Cartier St. residence. I know I spent many winters skating after school, home late for supper and back to the rink until bed time. This might be my fave pic of all time.

Act II, Scene I, Diversion

So, our great Canadian government wants to, and is, reneging on the Kyoto Protocal. This causes a great deal of flak for the Conservative Party, so what do they do? They create "The Clean Air Act". Yahooooooooo!!!! So, what does this act entail? Esentially, not a thing to improve our environment. Industry will remain free from constraints until 2020 and/or 2050 which does nothing about the immediate problem which requires action to be taken now and not in 15 to 25 years. In 15 years the government of Canada will have changed how many times? The Bill on greenhouse emissions will change how many times? Between all these government changes where will the action take place? How can action take place? This will be a revolving door issue that requires immediate action, yet no action will have time to take effect. The business sector reaction was priceless. "A very ambitious plan". The Canadian Vehicle Manufacturer's Assoc. said they thought it was good that Canada was harmonizing its plan with the U.S. So, Harper has adopted the George Bush plan on Clean Air which places no restrictions on industry with little chance for restrictions in the future. These two countries will do nothing (and it matters not who is in power) on reducing greenhouse gasses because they believe it will too greatly affect their economies. Even the Liberals who accepted the Kyoto Agreement had no real intention or means of reaching the targets set. Big business controls our government and economy even though the majority (is this really a democracy?) wants the environment to improve. I believe Chretien agreed to the Kyoto Accord only because he did not want to be the man to quash it and have that as his legacy. I do not believe he thought for a moment that Canada would actually follow through on the committment and he knew he would not be in power when that came to fruition. Until the masses of North America stand up and fight the powers that be, we will continue to see our quality of life deteriorate.

A Common Trait in Males

I ask you, what man does not enjoy playing with his rubber ducky? What man does not feel pride in his rubber ducky and revel in the opportunity to show it off?

I Know

I know many of you want to ask me questions about love and life and lovelife and other matters and I know many of you are asking yourselves "How does Trouble keep it together so well"? Here are some important tips to lead you on the right path.

1) Eat your veggies and not just the green ones although they are generally the best. Add some squash in there and some beets etc...

2) As my Uncle Colin used to say "Never piss in your own back yard".

3) When you are with your lover do not check out the eye candy.

4) Flattery, flattery and more flattery.

5) Do not talk too much. Listen more than you speak.

6) Get enough sleep every night.

7) Exercise.

8) Do not fart, burp, spit or pick at body crevices/orifices in public (you would be surprised at how important this rule is).

9) Only talk to strangers in public places out in the open. Trust me on this one.

10) Avoid cliches lest you appear unoriginal.

I realize I have left a lot of your questions unanswered, but I hope this list will help at least a little in dealing with your day to day business. If you need information on any topic, just drop me a line or two and I will do my best to steer you in the right direction.

That Confounded Communication Device

I am not answering the phone any more. If you call my number you will here an answering machine telling you---> "Hello. You've reached the home of Troubles, Theo, Rain and Cassidy. Please leave us a message." If I want to talk to you I will pick up before you finish your message or I will definitely call you back. This is the way it has to be. I cannot take the chance that the person calling will be a telemarketer, that blank air we often get these days or, even worse, one of my in-laws. More specifically, my mother-in-law or father-in-law. Why, you ask? I am glad you want to know. Here is an example: I awake this morning to have a lovely breakfast before my lovely Theo takes our lovely girls out on a few lovely errands. A few minutes later the phone rings and being that I am in such a great mood and feeling social I decide to pick up the receiver. It is my father-in-law. You need to understand that this is a man who has all the social skills of a four year old. If you have put on weight he is going to let you know about it. If you have done some work around the house he is going to belittle it. If you make a point in a conversation he is going to argue it and it does not matter if he is wrong or right. That has nothing to do with it. He just loves to argue and seems to thrive on people getting pissed off at him. He will also speak any faults he perceives you to have regardless of his own for he feels he is as close to perfect as people can get. My heart sank a little when I heard his voice, but I was in a good mood and I already picked up the call so....he asks me what I have been up to and when I tell him I have been doing a lot of yard work he asks what kind of work at this time of year. Eight of the large paper compost bags of leaves kind of work and he tells me that it is nothing and it is only half an hours work. I voice my disagreement and he tells me to "Come on, get serious" and I realize he is baiting me into an argument so I stop arguing. He starts fishing for more information to use as fodder and, being somewhat of a master on the subject, I deftly snuff out his foray until he quickly becomes bored of me and moves onto the rest of my family. Still not taking the bait he gets bored and says he will call back later. And there it is; the end of my conversation and the beginning of a pissy mood. So, I try to stay positive yet my thoughts take over and I ponder on how this is my life these days. Somewhat boring what with in-law squabbles and yard work and job hunting and telemarketers and phone calls and leaking pools and Christmas lights and cooking and Elton John and blogging and youtube and hockey and movies blah.... Five years ago I was jumping off cliffs into Lake Superior. Watching a yearling black bear with my oldest as she (the bear not my daughter) ate termites from an old stump. Swimming almost daily. Meditating. And then I catch myself. I have a very good life. So, I go to get cleaned up and then out for an adventure along a trail somewhere, or the beach at Longpoint or a ride to Waterford. And I will no longer think of my in-laws for the time being.

Unblogged Random Thoughts

I am soooo tired. My youngest is sucking the life right out of me. I have sat down to write on many occassions of late, but rarely seem to write with any coherence. This may be happening now. We shall see. Here is some stuff I have been thinking about:
Glad the Democrats did well in the election, not that I believe they will change much of anything. At least the Neo-cons will have a few more hoops to jump through.

Have been thinking about art as a means of pushing boundaries set by government and/or big business. I am seeing more and more angry voices out there who are trying to vent their frustrations about their worlds. The more oppessed our society becomes, the more injustice that happens, the more art we create? Perhaps one reaches a point of cynicism where they become proactive? The more boundaries set the more boundaries we must push?

Religion freaks me out. We can prove by carbon dating and archeological evidence that the human race began roughly 60,000 years ago and we can trace the migration of the race and the time areas of the world became inhabited. Yet, people are still killing each other over human-created ideologies. When your choice of religion is mainly dictated by your environment you should ask yourself why that is. Oh I could go on and on.

Theo and I were discussing how great our life is. Our biggest concern is that our pool is leaking. I bet that is unfathomable to a refugee in Africa. If you were a Somali refugee who fell asleep in Kenya and woke up in Canada you would think you had just won the lottery.

I just had my 41st birthday and am looking for a job until I go back to school. When I was 39 I could still get a job, but now that I am 41 it does not seem to be happening. I am too educated for a lot of the jobs or not educated enough for others. I only need 3 1/2 course for my degree. One thing about moving from Toronto is the amount of nepetism here is insane where it barely exists there.

What is with tv comercials? I watching the game the other night and this comercial starts off "We are here in the wild of the jungle to see the Kia Serento (whatever the hell it was called) in it's natural habitat". Are you fucking kidding me? They all suck like that. That is one industry that needs an extreme makeover.

I am going to go cook fish now. Bye.

Remembering Shirley

Once upon a time, long long ago, I attended an elementary school. In my last year (grade 8) our teacher was this real asshat named Larry, so, to say the least, this class was a little dysfunctional. In that class were two sisters named Susan and Shirley. They were twins, but you would never have known they were related. Susan was a big girl, powerful and rotund who wanted to fight me on a number of occasions, while Shirley was slender and mild and quiet. Susan had dark brown short hair and skin problems while Shirley had long blonde hair and milky smooth skin. After Christmas that year, Shirley was absent. She was absent more than even I was throughout the year to that point, but this stretched on for some time. We asked Susan where Shirley was and all she would say is that she was sick. When she had been away for nearly a month Susan said she was living somewhere else. About a month and a half passed and Shirley returned to school. We were all very nice to her because we thought she was really sick, but after a few days we could see that she was healthy physically. We all noticed she had changed somehow, but we didn't know how. A few weeks later Shirley overdosed. It shook the school, the staff, our class. We all felt so terrible for Susan. As closure our class was bused to a funeral home to say goodbye to Shirley. I remember how spent her mother looked and I remember how red Susan's eyes were from crying. Thinking back to Shirley's return to school I remembered how out of it she was. She had a difficult time communicating, she moved in slow motion, her eyes were glazed over, she was depressed. How our teacher didn't see that she was stoned out of her mind is beyond me, but I did allude to his personality earlier. Rumours were flying. We heard she was hanging out with bikers, that she was prostituting, that it was suicide, that it was an accident, that she had a much older boyfriend. It was hard to know what to think. Susan became very quiet after that. Everyone was very nice to her, but I think she just wanted life to be normal. Later in the year this guy who was called Hairlip called her a cow after school. I called him out for it and we fought. Our teacher Larry saw us fighting and came out to talk to us. He let us fight with the stipulation that it be a fair fight, but I think he just wanted Hairlip to kick my ass. The next day Larry yelled at me and said I was a dirty fighter, but I think it was because I won the fight and he was disappointed and needed to vent. Later on Susan came up to me and thanked me. It meant the world to me at the time.

A Few of My Thoughts On Lethargy

The Time Traveller's Wife

Back awhile ago in Toronto, while out with my sister, I picked up a copy of "The Time Traveller's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger on her recommendation. I bought it thinking that my wife would probably love it, but I was skeptical about me ever picking it up. Weeks later, while indisposed in the bathroom, I began to peruse the book as it was the only reading material at hand. I immediately liked the writing style. It flowed even though the story hopped around so much. It was creative and had an interesting premise. With me, style counts for so much and Niffenegger had style. And so, I was hooked. I finished the book last night and sobbed like a school girl who got stood up for her prom. You know it's going to happen, you know what's coming, but there is just no bracing yourself when it comes. You tell yourself that it's just a story and that you are being irrational, but there is no way to stop yourself. Maybe what hit home for me is that I have, in recent years, become more and more afraid of my mortality since I now have more to live for. I am nearing the age of the male protagonist and being a father and devoted husband like him, it hit home for me. Thinking about the story I wondered if this fairytale was born from a relationship the author had with someone who died of cancer. Our memories flow in and out of time, yet are all here and now with us. A very well crafted story.

Sir Elton



It was my birthday yesterday and to celebrate my lovely wife took me to see Sir Elton John at Copps Coliseum in Hamilton. Although not as active, flamboyant or with the same vocal range he displayed when I saw him in Ottawa in the 80's, the guy can still really put on a great show. The performance began with "Funeral for a Friend (Love Lies Bleeding)" and included Tiny Dancer, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (my fave) Bennie and the Jets, Crocodile Rock, Philadelphia Freedom, Rocket Man, Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters, Someone Saved My Life Tonight (awesome), Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting, while in between these classics he mixed in some of the new songs off of "The Captain and the Cowboy". The man is such a ham, but such a great showman. During "Bitch is Back" he lay across his piano striking a pose and then jumped off. I was worried he might break a hip, but amazingly he is still agile for his years. I have been lucky over the years to see some great acts like Elton, Elvis Costello, Joe Cocker, all of whom put on an amazing show and seem very passionate about their craft. Even if you are not a fan, the performances are worth the price of admission. We went with Theo's friends from work which was amusing in itself. While they are extremely nice people they are very straight-laced christians. When they asked me what church I went to I responded "The round one". They pressed on. "What's the round church"? "It's the one where the devil can't corner me". They let the subject drop then. On the way home Theo and I thought about how much our lives have changed. We used to follow the Grateful Dead and party like mad pagans and now we are going to Elton John concerts with a group of christians whose idea of partying is, well...going to an Elton john concert. Maybe that's not such a bad thing really. There have been a few concerts I attended over the years that I missed out on due to being trashed out of my mind.

Passing Gas

I had a women come to my door today to try to sign me up with a retail gas company. Their promise to you the consumer is that your rate will be fixed at a set amount so if the price of gas increases your bill will not. What they do not tell you is that on average you will pay more than you would by buying directly from the gas company. Today this woman tried to make me feel like I was missing out on a great deal. She tried to make me think that I had to buy gas from an "official retail distributor"; that it was like a new law that you weren't allowed to buy your gas directly from Union. She acted shocked that I had not signed up yet. She tried very hard to persuade me without ever getting into too much detail about the facts. When I told her that her plan didn't sound right to me and that I was going to call the gas company to verify the information she was handing me, she went into another spiel about how everyone was switching over. The more she talked the more tense I became. I began thinking 'Who does this woman think she is? Who does she think I am'? She soldiered on. I now completely understood that she thought she was smarter than me and that she was going to get me to sign her paper. She used my neighbours down the street, who apparently signed up, as more bait for me to sign. The more she talked the more aggresive she became and the more she tried to make me feel stupid. I hate people that try to make you feel inferior, so I bluntly said "Look, I am not signing up with you until I know all the facts. I will call the gas company Monday and will then come to a decision". She sneered at me and rolled her eyes. "Good luck, sir" as she walked away. I thought "Yea, fuck you scammer". I did research this out. By staying with my present situation I should realize a decrease of $18.00 in my overall gas bill from a year ago. If I had signed with this woman's company I would have paid an increase of $6.00 for a swing of $24.00 all of which would go to her comapny. That totally pissed me off.

Hacking Democracy

I watched this documentary this evening called "Hacking Democracy" which focuses on the computerized election balloting in America. It was scary to see how easily an election could be rigged. While one of the main manufacturers (Diebold) continued to stand by the failsafe security of their system a small group of truth seekers united to test this claim. Their investigations which involved finding files on the internet containing security codes, finding paper results in the garbage (which is illegal---these results must be kept in safe storage) and testing the program for fraud found that the claims of Diebold were completely inacurrate. The memory cards used in Diebold machines were supposed to be program free to which Diebold execs and their head of engineering vow is true. Yet, when Harri Hursti (computer analyst)examined the memory card he found that it contained an executable program which would allow a person to configure the tally of votes any way they wanted to. When tested by the crew after Hursti had altered the programming on the memory card, the paper tally of 2 yes and 6 no votes came out of the computer as 7 yes and 1 no vote. They then attempted to see if the main computer could recognize the alteration and were surprised to find that no trace of alteration could be detected. In a nutshell; fraud was easily possible with no record of the real count to say otherwise. What was even more scary was the fact that Sen. John Kerry during his run for presidency new fraud had been committed, yet, even though he had gathered a panel of legal experts to challenge the election process, bowed out in the end with a whimper. Gore had one polling station in Florida count his votes in negatives with his final total at -16,022, yet he did not pursue a challenge of the election results. The trouble is they could not prove it without a doubt because the official paper records were corrupted. The question still remains, however, why have the Democrats not challenged this issue with more furvor?

Snug in the Autumn Den

On Continuing the Family Name

I am the last male Braids that could carry the family name on, but, alas, I have no boys. After our second was born my aunts cornered me at a family function and began interrogating me about having another. When I said Theo and I did not believe we would have any more children they voiced the fact that I was the last able male to carry on the family name and that it would be a shame if the Braids name were to come to an end. I remember my response very well as we stood holding our styrofoam cups of coffee in the hall at Westminster Presbyterian Church where my uncles are Deacons. "The odds are that one of my two girls will be a lesbian and being that they are both strong-willed I would bet my life that either one would be the dominate female in the relationship guaranteeing any child they might have would wind up with my last name". It is a beautiful thing to watch grown women turn many different shades of red and fumble for words.

The Interview

Qualifications required were University degree and 2 years experience. Salary was dependent on experience. Duties included answering phones, filing, customer service and data input. With the skills and experience required I believed this was going to be a relatively good paying job. Say in the 30k/year area. I refer to the employer as EM.

EM: So, Mr. Braids, what do you think?

Me: I think I could fit in well here and I don't see any problems that would prevent me from quickly learning the routine.

EM: Great! Can you start next Monday?

Me: I can start right now if you want. Heh heh.

EM: Heh heh. Monday will be fine. We start at 8:30.

Me: Sounds great! Not that money is a real issue, but I was wondering what my wage would be.

EM: Well, we will start you off at $9.00/hr and after three months you will automatically get a raise.

Me: I see. And after three months the raise would be how much?

EM: Well, usually it is a full $.50 raise, but we can talk about that when the time arises.

Me: Oh hmmm. So you desired a University Degree for this job?

EM: Well, obviously it wasn't the most important issue since you haven't completed your degree, but you did indicate to us you would be finishing your degree at night school and you do offer the kind of experience we were looking for.

Me: Thats wonderful. Did you get a lot of applicants with degrees?

EM: Oh yes. We got a few.

Me: Sorry to go on, but I am just trying to understand this. You are going to pay me $9.00/hr based on my education and experience?

EM: Yes. That's correct.

Me: Well, after I pay for daycare that should leave me making about $1.50 an hour so I really hope I get that full $.50 raise after three months.

EM: I am sure we can work something out.

Me: I was being sarcastic.

Repitition (The Rut Song)

Dropping some change in the wishing well
With serious thoughts that I cannot quell
My mind lingers and dwells
On serious thoughts that I cannot quell

Well wishing for some change
On matters to some that may seem strange
These formless patterns I rearrange
These formless patterns seem so strange

I dwell on thoughts that linger long
Dropping like bricks where they don't belong
Serious thoughts that are much too strong
Making me question where I belong

Lingering long on these thoughts I dwell
Formless thoughts contained in a shell
I drop more change in the wishing well
With hopes one brick might crack the shell.

Botox

Wow, no youtube posting this time. You gotta admit youtube is a great site. It has just about anything you could think of. I digress. Botox. I opened up my servers homepage and am greeted with "Botox For Beginners". Society places way too much emphasis on appearance, but to actually poison yourself (botox contains the same toxins found in food poisoning) defies logic. If you want to have a younger than your years appearance why not exercise a little. But more pointedly, why not grow old gracefully. The image that women have to live up to (and men which is gaining steam)is an impossibility. The image is unattainable unless you starve yourself, poison your face, get your breasts done and get lyposuction which is what the industry wants you to do. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all accept that different is beautiful? Personally, I find the altered woman unattractive at best. Moreover, the desire to cosmetically alter ones appearance is an admittal of dissatisfaction with ones self. It is not an external cureall, but rather an internal psychological problem with the belief that fixing any percieved external flaw one can cure the inner self. Of course, the reality is that unless one can accept themselves for who they are they will never gain the happiness they long for. Also, that this article was given a prominent place on the page is dissapointing. That such a technique is now considered mainstream news is a sad indictment not only on our media, but society as well. Thats my take on it.

I have just discovered Lou Barlow and I am digging his work. This is one of his side projects (post Dinosaur Jr.) Folk Implosion. BTW, Barlow does the art work for the video too.

I love this world. We are so messed up.

How's Everything Here?

Theo and I dined out at our favourite restaurant last night before going to the doctors. Our waitress smiled, laughed at my dumb jokes and was timely on her routine look-ins. She was very attractive, had a beautiful smile and was very friendly. I couldn't stand her. Our usual waitress would be considered unattractive (frumpy) by most peoples standards, but really, what has that got to do with quality of service? The difference between the two is sincerity. I detest feeling humoured by a person and the friendly phoney interaction that must be tolerated for as long as you are thrown into a situation together. These situations usually send me into "fuck you" mode. When last nights waitress would come to our table I would be short in hopes she would piss off and leave Theo and I to our own amusements. With our usual waitress we wind up chatting for as much time as she can spare. We are planning to take our kids together to public swims on Saturday afternoons. I guess it comes down to my preference for people who can remain themselves whether at work or home vs those who take on a persona to fill the notion of a stereotyped role.

A Little Time On Our Own

Theo and I left the kids with their grandparents last night so we could go to the walk-in clinic. We both have sinus infections (hers is worse) while I also have an ear infection. What a crazy virus this turned out to be. Many of the people that have contracted it have had to go on antibiotics. We had a long wait before the doctor could see us so we just sat together and talked. You can forget why you love each other so much when you don't get any time alone. I made Theo laugh most of our wait and that fills me with happiness. I am a lucky man.

Dandy Bohemians

I can't help myself. I love this song.


The Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You

Another Installment of Lynn Valley trail

Ming Ming and Linny

These two servants of the animal kingdom traverse the globe in exciting ways (ie. homemade ballon, sailboats made from soap dishes) so they may, against fierce obstacles, save the day for animals in distress. Do not miss an episode as our daring heroes free giraffe's from electrical wires, help zebra's search for their missing white stripes or unhinge cages entrapping friendly repressed monkeys.

My Wife

My wife does not listen to me. I can offer her some sound advice and it is ignored. Someone else, perhaps a coworker, will say the same thing and she will listen. Do all of us married men suffer through this? After a length of time do you woman think we are completely incompetent? Does it have something to do with your own self-image (he married me, he must be stupid)? It is getting worse too. Now I find myself in the "I-told-you-so" role. It is not where I want to be, but even when I say nothing my eyes still say "I told you so" and I know that pisses her off which makes me laugh a little and sigh a little and forces me to seriously consider any advice I might freely give a little.

The Spin Zone

I continue to grow increasingly ticked off with government and media. The anti-semitism issue brewing between Harper and Ignatieff and their respective spins on the issue are idiotic. The resignations of Kadis and Cotler I find childish. Call Qana what it is; another clash between two sides that hate each other, have no respect for each others lives and are both guilty of committing atrocities on each other. The spin of right wing media (in America especially) is beyond ridiculous. I can't believe people actually believe the crap they spew on these "News" networks. The constant barrage of ads that attempt to trick us into believing they are looking out for our interests I find insulting. The spin these people put on reality is out of control.

Friday 13th

Most places I have been to talk about it being Friday the 13th and how it's supposed to be an unlucky day or filled with superstitious ideas. In Port Dover, depending on your view of bikers, it's a day that brings in a whole shitload of cash to the area. It's cold and raining and last night it snowed here for about 6 hours, but the place is still rocking with bikers. It is Canada's largest motorcycle event and the town shuts down to accomodate all the people. We are talking hundreds of thousands of visitors who spend millions of dollars. A small sacrifice to pay to ensure our local programs get funded. I went to my first Friday the 13th 3 summers ago. I remember walking down Main St. amid the loud, gaudy, smoggy and nauseating throng and was treated to a morbidly obese male biker lifting his shirt up and stroking his nipples followed by a 17 yr old pregnant girl with beer in one hand and smoke in the other. Makes you feel all juicy don't it. Not to paint an altogether biased masterpiece, I should mention that the majority of people are really cool, no trouble and are just having fun, which is all fine by us townfolk.

A Daily Dose

I am an avid watcher of "The Daily Show". Their "special reports" are good, but not what keeps me coming back. It is, in part, due to the guests that Jon Stewart interviews, but mostly it is the political satire. At present I am loving the coverage of Republican Mark Foley and the scandal he finds himself facing. His attempts at cyber-sex with teenage Whitehouse Page's while maintaining to be a "defender of kids from predators and a supporter of traditional family values" is yet just one more chapter in the present administrations epic novel of immoral "errors in judgment". Now more than ever the Fox News channel is showing its complete bias for the Republican party. Sean Hannity of Hannity and Combes decided a trip down memory lane was required citing the 1983 Democratic scandal of Congressman Jerry Studds having sex with a Page. Hannity went on to say "That's not that long ago". I guess the Democratic party hasn't changed at all in 23 years and besides, those Dems are way more perverted than the Reps. He also went on to "report" that the Dems had knowledge of these allegations long before it came out into the open which of course places the blame squarely on the shoulders of the more liberal of the two parties. To top it off (just to add the proverbial cherry on top), Hannity went on to mention former Prez Bill Clinton and his scandal with Monica Lewinsky "You know something, I don't want to bring Clinton into it, you're gonna say that Monica was 19, but hold on a minute...". Monica was actually 22, but why split hairs right. I mean 22 is awfully close to 16 accepting that 22 is a legal age of consent whereas 16 is statutory rape, but why should that concern anyone especially government officials who right the laws. The crown jewel in Fox's coverage had to be the story they ran about the allegations showing footage of Foley answering questions in a media scrum with a subheader that included the Fox logo and the title "MARK FOLEY (D-FL). That's right people; Mark Foley is now officially a Democrat according to Fox News.

The Genographic Project

So the hippies were right all along. We are all brothers and sisters. Dr. Spencer Wells has added strong proof to the hypothesis that all of humanity evolved from a group of African ancestors some 60,000 years ago. By mapping human DNA Wells has been able to map the human migration beginning in Africa to all other points in the world and sharpen the time-line theories of human occupation in those regions. It is a sad day for religious orders whose creation beliefs have been soundly quashed by fact. To me the most amazing part of this odyssey was Wells' discussions with the Navajo people. His theories on human migration are mirrored by the history of most 1st Nations tribes making their oral histories among the most accurate whereas the oral history of the 1st Australians sees themselves as the origin of human migration and not Africa where DNA and anthropologic evidence prove otherwise. So, being that we are all brothers and sisters and that our cultures and religions are obviously human-made, why all the bloodshed? Where in our evolution did it become cool to kill a brother? When did objectifying other people become part of life? With such a great history of surviving, why are we so bent on destruction? Come on Dr. Wells. Don't stop now. We really need to quicken the evolution of humanity before we waste it all.

https://www3.nationalgeographic.com/genographic/

Lynn Valley Trail

This trail runs from Port Dover to Simcoe. Took Grandpa Georo, Rain, Cassidy and cousin Tony (as well as Miqmaq and Meggie) out yesterday for a hike. Brought binoculars to bird watch and got to see plenty of Jays and a brown-headed cowbird. Kids love to be outdoors. Give them the choice between tv or a walk in the woods and mine will always take the walk.

Doom and Gloom

I watched the movie "Doom" last night. I did it because, even though I knew it wasn't going to be a good movie, I did play the game for awhile. So, it's a loyalty thing I guess. My take on it: Why is a restricted movie displaying nudity and extreme violence scripted as if it were written for children? Also, can anyone else picture "The Rock" playing Ray in "Rainman"?

The LonG ranger

Either a good cowboy name or a porno moniker. Maybe both. Actually, it is "Lon Granger" of the clan Geriatrics. I had just left a five year relationship that spurred my move from Sudbury back to my hometown of Sault Ste. Marie where I was meeting many new people who were of a completely different lot that I had historically camped with. These people were silly, bohemian, intelligent, nerdy but cool. My sister, after having been back in the Sault about a month, took me over to Lon's place to a small get-together and immediately I fell in with him. He was so mellow, wise for his young years, well read, thoughtful, deep, musical.... We started hanging out frequently, mostly wetting our whistles at the local watering holes including Algoma U. where we would play our guitars and sing on Thurs. night jam sessions at the pub. He was the first real friend I had and even though we have lost contact (our connection) I still often think about the impact he made on my life. He tuned me into Jack Kerouac, Tom Waits, Elvis Costello, Sal Bellows among others. He saw things in me that I had no idea were there and helped my confidence greatly. I don't think he realized until too late how dysfunctional I was then, being that up to that point my life was a relative mess. I felt like a king in those early days enjoying a popularity I had never known possible and will probably never know again. Of course, I had neither the maturity nor the mindset to cope with all that was happening in my new environment. It all went to my head and that was the beginning of the end. I stopped being a good friend to Lon (and others), mostly because I became self-absorbed with my problems (mostly self-made) and we all know there is no talking to someone in that space. I was working on a paper for University on Somerset Maugham's short story "Mr. Knowall" of which Lon helped me with. He came up with a fantastic spin on the story which I used and took full credit for (such was my need to feel others see me as intelligent) which is just one of many examples of how far above me as a human being he was then. He has been on my mind a lot of late mostly because I believe he was one of a few people who made a big impact on my life for the better. And, even though I was a crappy friend, I will always be thankful for his friendship and the great times I shared with him for in the end he made me a better person. The quiet guy who was maybe too nice and often got the raw end of the deal, but could still smile and not take it all to seriously for the most part (excluding mutual crying jags at the Jolly Cryer over lost loves).

Kinda Like My Drunk Dad on Speed

I found this dude awhile ago. Sometimes he cracks me right up, but mostly he just really freaks me out.

http://www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com/

Troubles Braids

For those of you finding this site via a Tom Waits search or lyric search for said song, I wholeheartedly apologize. Although I do mention Tom from time to time (rarely really) this is not a site dedicated to his genius. Perhaps in the future I will experience a moment of genius and rename this site something creative, original and meaningful. Not that Tom isn't meaningful nor Troubles Braids for that matter. Ahem. Ok.

(Everyone's Talkin' 'bout) Pop Music

I used to watch Much Music and/or Much More Music almost religiously. Sure there were some really crap videos even back then (15 years ago or so), but it was a great way to get exposed to new music. I first saw Daniel Lanois on MM who has gone on to be one of today's greatest producers. Bands like Wheezer, Hawksley Workman, The Trajically Hip, were regulars on the air. Nowadays all I see is kids rapping about their ho's, how tough they gotsta be to make it in "the hood", how they gonna busta cap in yo ass or a steady diet of Brittany Speares, Jessica Simpson and Justin Timberlake along with all the Hollywood gossip on Paris Hilton. How is it that real music artists are taking a back seat to what the untrained ears of 13 year olds are wanting? How is it that our kids would rather hear the scoop on Lindsey Lohan over what David Suzuki is teaching? As a society, why do we continue to cater to the lowest common denominators and wallow in ignorant ecstasy? There are two women who do a bit on pop music today. They sing pop songs of today over each other i.e... "Oops I did it Again" and "Stronger". The point is to show you that they are exactly the same beat just sung in different phrasing. Sung together the each compliment the other. This is the state of today's pop music; that it has become a formula based on a few catchy beats that the music industry has ordained as sellable. There is the odd apparition out there that somehow makes it onto the charts, but overall today's music has become anything but artistic. On the other hand, mainstream pop music has helped to solidify the underground music scene making P2P sharing, University radio, Satellite radio, independent artists and labels etc... more and more available to the masses of those owning more discerning tastes. Bands like Broken Social Scene have had a "do-it-yourself" mentality in guiding their own careers and were pivotal in establishing Arts and Crafts as a viable label which has since added a number of new artists including Feist, Stars and Apostle of Hustle. Bands like The Grateful Dead and Pearl Jam have, with varying degrees of success, sectioned off part of a venue for "tapers" (people who record the live performances) with the stipulation that they not sell copies, but instead distribute the recordings freely. Today's artist understands that money and/or success is not to be made by the selling of CD's, but through developing a strong fanbase which generates success through touring and merchandise. Art shows such as CBC's "Zed" or Bravo's "Bravo!Videos" cater to a more intelligent/arty audience allowing relative unknowns to continue to have a voice in the corporate dominated market. Pop music may have entrenched itself in the mainstream media, but rest assured that the voices of true artists will not be quelled.

World War III

The in-laws are visiting this weekend to help celebrate Rain's 8th bday. I have a cold which means my tolerence levels are low. George (my father-in-law) insists on discussing what constitutes a world war citing his wealth of knowledge gained through watching CNN. My mother-in-law (Steffi) has holed up in our bedroom watching Marlene Dietrich films of which she no doubt is taking pointers on melo-drama. I debate the pros and cons of taking copious amounts of drugs as a means of enticing the sun to come back out. I nod and smile and keep my mouth shut and concentrate on Rain being happy.

Facing Today: My Twelve Steps to Coping

1) I will imbibe many liquids.
2) I will mope and generally be sucky.
3) I will blow my nose until it is raw.
4) I will watch lots of tv and sit in fromt of the computer for long periods.
5) I will be mostly lethargic.
6) I will sleep.
7) I will pretend my body does not ache.
8) I will pretend to be pleasant for I have not the energy to fulfill my murderous impulses.
9) I will occassionally drift off into incoherent thought.
10) I will order pizza for supper.
11) I will not work.
12) I will not cough up a lung or sneeze my nose off.

Indexed

I thought this was pretty cool.

http://indexed.blogspot.com/

Goldfish

Check out this guys site and sample some of the tunes. I am not crazy about his vocals, but his instrumentals are amazing. Great player.

http://brucegoldish.com/cds.htm

Life's a Hardrive My Friend

Sis has requested I post and when you're right you're right. You may notice that I am absent for long periods of time only to return to see I have posted 5 entries on one particular day. That's just me. I tend to get wrapped up in what I am doing at the time and neglect most everything else. The last few days have had me transferring my old life onto my new hardrive. For any of you who have not had the pleasure, it can be a timely matter, especially if you have to dig around for the right network and sound adaptors. The problem with buying from some computer companies is that your computer is supposed to be OEM (original equipment manufacturer) which means hardware like your hardrive is supposed to die with your computer as are the software programs that run it. By the way, OEM is somewhat of a misnomer. These companies are actually rebranding existing computers that they customize to the individuals tastes. In any case, there always seems to be something dragging me away from this blog so I must make more of an effort at being consistent. Then again, I spent last weekend on the beach with my two wonderful girls. *weighs* Beach or blog? Hmmmm.

Conspiracy of 9/11

I have been seeing a lot of conspiracy theories about 9/11 of late. "Loose Change" http://www.loosechange911.com/index_main.html seems to be one of the more popular conspiracy theories going and after viewing it I have to say it is very convincing if you don't know the details or the science involved. Complete with mood music and snippets of actual news coverage it is easy to be swayed. If you really investigate you will find that these theories fall short of satisfying reality, but I will say I do believe 9/11 could have been a well constructed conspiracy. Michael Moore's film "Fahrenheit 9/11" ties the Bush's to the Bin Laden family and lays out the facts making sound arguments for his theories. Here it is gang; the conspiracy. All you have to do is follow the money trail. Bin Laden has not been caught nor do I see that happening any time soon. He is raking in loads of money being given to him to support his offensive on the western world. Bush, Cheney, Rumsfield and Wolfowitz are all heavily involved in the businesses of oil and weapons defense. Man these guys are just raking in the cash. Whats the best way to increase profit for people who have vested interests in oil and arms? For arms dealers its to have a war. For oil people its to gain the rights to oil. Where do the two meet? Iraq of course. Already heavily repressed by the former leader, Saddam Hussein, it was the safest and easiest country in the oil rich middle east to take on. So, the ties between Bush and Bin Laden are documented and both men are making scads of cash, so.... how does GW get into Iraq without the rest of the country nixing his plans? Create a diversion. But not just any old diversion. He and his cronies need one that will solidify his presidency and gain the full support of the public. But how? Create a scenario in which a symbol of the country is devastated and do it strongly enough to enrage your population so that they demand revenge. Then bombard the public with inuendo about the country in question (Iraq) using repetition in lieu of any real facts.

Bum Humour

Lying face down on the bed talking to Theo. Cassidy comes into our bedroom and starts slapping my butt.
*slap slap* Hey whats goin' on in der. Alride alride where is he? *slap slap* Ahh not tall king huh. *slap slap* Alride alride where is he? Where's da rabbit?

Whats the Point

We had a lovely weekend of camping at Long Point with friends and family. The weather was less than stellar, but we certainly made the most of it by consuming lots of beer and meat and shmores. The kids enjoyed sleeping in a tent and Theo had a chance to vent about her profession with two of our campers who were also teachers. We got Cap out of the house which did wonders for his demeanour and my sister and I got a chance to hang out which was the most fun for me. The Berry brothers were a lot of fun and took campfire cooking to a new level. I can't wait to do it again. Suck in those guts, boys!

Mudville

School: Hello Mr. Braids?

TB: Yes. Speaking.

School: I'm afraid Cassidy has had a little trouble (pardon the pun) on her first day of school.

TB: (sigh) Uh-huh.

School: She had a little accident and fell in the mud and dirtied her clothes up quite a bit.

TB: You aint seen nothing yet.

School: Oh. Ahaha (nervously). Well, we don't seem to have a change of clothes for her which, if you read the home letter we sent you, you will see was a requirement.

TB: We did not get the home letter or notification you were changing her teacher. As far as the change of clothes, you might want to check her bag.

School: Oh. (whispered tones-he says they're in her bag. didn't you check? Oh shit. They're in the bag.) Mr. Braids?

TB: Present.

School: Sorry to trouble you (pardon the pun). We didn't see the clothes at first, but we now have them.

TB: Super. Are you the teacher?

School: No. This is Mrs. Murray the principal.

TB: Principal clothes finder?

Getting Put Through the Shredder

I got this nasty virus/adware file yesterday. I thought I was downloading a video codec for quick time, but I quickly found out it was more than I bargained for. It would not let me delete the downloaded file and MacAfee did squat. I wound up downloading a number of other tools to clean my registry before I could shred the codec file. Why do people do this sort of thing? Why do they create these files to screw with our computers? If it is to get us to buy a product its pretty unsound business procedure. If its just maliciousness they should be thrown into a roomfull of people with infected computers to defend themselves. I can honestly say I felt quite murderous. If I ever run into a person who does this sort of crap I am going to throw punches. No questions. No answers. Just fists flying until the rage subsides.

Local Union #4 of the Drunk Skanks

I was awoken from sleep this morning at roughly 3:30 am by loud voices. I could hear a group of girls bantering in what I surmised was a drunken state. I thought they were quite rude for walking the streets at this hour waking residents up, but I lay in bed believing they would soon pass and I could go back to sleep. They did not pass. The voices continued. I got up to peer through a window and lo and behold there lay four figures lying under the maple tree in our sideyard. I got up and dressed and went outside to ask them to leave. When they saw me two of the girls began to apologize and that they would move on, but one was not moving saying "I'm not fucking moving. Tell him to fuck off". I became angry and began yelling at them to get the fuck out of my yard. I approached them and after a few more word exchanges these girls (they must have been 16 year olds) became aggressive and wanted to fight me. One girl charged at me and when I put up my fists to defend myself she stepped back and said "You would hit a girl?" Doh! One of the other girls was being held back by her friend. Not wanting to partake in more of this nonsense I went inside to call the police. While inside I heard some loud slamming against the house and ran back out to see the girls running down the street "Run, he's calling the cops". I quickly found the cause of the noise; they had taken an eavestrough transfer pipe and destroyed it. I called the cops and after 15 minutes of waiting I got in the car and looked for the girls. After 15 minutes I went home and was met by the police....finally. In a small town I am confident I will find the identity of these girls relatively soon. I was a shit disturber at that age, but never was I so disrespectful or blatantly stupid as these four skanks. As the police officer sarcastically put it "How could you dare ask them to leave your yard when all these yards belong to them."

The First 50 Duds

For those of you enamoured by the might of the US military and their claims of smart bombs and the accuracy of them and other guided weaponry, here is a little fact for you. The first 50 guided missiles entering Iraq all (ALL) missed the intended target. US patriot missile accuracy in taking out scud missiles during Desert Storm according to Pentagon was 100%. The actual accuracy by the end of the war was 9%.

Captain Trouble and the Fog of Smog Update

Other than Thurs morning smelling like burnt plastic across the greater part of the GTA the air was pleasant. Wed. we caught up with some old friends and their kids at a water park and in the process wound up having to make plans on receiving them for visits over the next few weekends. Thurs I went to Kensington Market and was unimpressed. It is much more pretentious than I remember, although the junkies do add a certain colour to the drab scenery. I met up with my wonderful sis for lunch at a place called JunJun Sushi. It totally rocks. I recommend the dinner box #1. Soup, 6 pieces of sushi (3 cucumber, 3 salmon) teriyaki chicken, sticky rice, tempura vegetables and shrimp, salad, all for $8.00. You cannot walk out of the place hungry. It was so much fun hanging out with my sis. Seems we rarely get to do that much any more, but we take full advantage when we do making the trip home the second best part of it all.

Espresso Love

My buddy Mario visited a few weekends ago with his wife Darlene and their little beauty Hannah. They are probably our closest friends and we look forward to hanging with them in Toronto. Regretably, I have to return his espresso maker which he forgot on his last visit here. I have come to look forward to having my shot of the savoury brew each day when its time to relax by playing a game or reading blogs on the computer or reading a book or the paper. I just finished one and have suddenly found the energy to get done what needs to be done. Later freaks.

Captain Trouble and the Fog of Smog

The latest installment of "Toronto Visit Time". Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to seeing friends and family, but I hate (H-A-T-E) going to the big city. I feel claustrophobic with so many people shuffling about and the constant noise really grates on my nerves making my fave part of the trip the part when we leave. I do look forward to seeing my greater known sibling and her Paco, shopping Kensington and going for Japanese food, but how I wish all of the above were here. I must pack soon. After one more entry perhaps.

Living the Life

Theo decided to paint our bedroom yesterday of which I was not able to help due to my back injury, so, with Rain in Toronto with grandmother, it left me alone with Cassidy. What to do what to do. We hopped on the bike and rode the 5 minutes to the beach and had a lovely day. The beach here isn't so busy on the weekdays (compared to the weekend which is a madhouse) so we quickly found a space on the west shore (most people hang at the east shore close to the shops) and hit the surf. Beatiful warm day with a strong breeze creating good sized waves. When the waves hit the sandbars they get good elevation and you can body surf. We swam for almost 2 hours (water was warmer than my pool) and then rested for awhile on the beach. Then we walked the beach to Mr. B's (no relation to Mrs. B's in the Soo) for homemade icecream. Swam some more and then got back on the bike to visit the grandparents. Home for supper and then another swim this time in our pool. Bath time for Cassidy and then bed and then lying on the couch watching a movie with Theo (who was in a "good" mood *wink*). I mean how many other places can you enjoy this lifestyle? I can't walk too far right now (health is improving quickly though) but I can bike for long periods of time making the whole town easily accessible. What I love the most is that while riding around just about everyone says hello (if they don't say hi chances are they are tourists). Cassidy has picked up on this and she frantically waves to every passer-by saying "Hello you there", "Hey guys. Its me, Cassidy" "Hello everbody. Thats my Dad. He's riding the bike." I keep saying to everyone that we live in Pleasantville and so far no one who has visited has said otherwise. Its a big reason we have visitors all summer which is fine by me. Share the wealth I say.

News Etc....

Have been a busy little git over the last few weeks. Summer time in Port Dover means lots of visitors. I think we've had maybe two weekends over the summer where we weren't entertaining friends or family. Not that I am complaining. Friends and family are important. Speaking of family, my bro-in-law busted his leg up pretty good recently. He will be fine, but the poor bastard has endured a great deal of pain over the last week. At least he broke it playing hockey. I mean, its hell trying to explain that you got an injury by curtsying to a flock of geese or slipping on some stinky cheese or both. He will, however, have one hell of a time getting through American customs with that plate in his ankle. Advice for Cap: resist temptation to gain deep suntan.
I have had the house to myself this afternoon so I worked out for a few hours, showered and then grabbed some pasta salad to eat while watching some tv. This movie called "Hackers" was on starring Angelina Jolie ('95). What a gawd awful piece of tripe. Why is it movies with computer technology involved as part of the plot always show us these screens of wavy psychadelic imagery and/or nuclear green backgrounds with white lettering while some really bad actor under a worse director punches keys at light speed and hacks into a government database containing top-secret weapon schematics only to be found out by some flunky FBI/CIA agent who calls his superior to say "Sir, I think you should take a look at whats happening on the main frame" and when he does the superior always says "Run a trace and get me that address. Now!" So of course they trace it and begin chasing the hacker all over America blowing up every other home they encounter along the way while the hacker uses his savvy to elude capture by using his awesome hacking skills (the same skills that allowed him to be detected by the government and his address found). The nice thing about these movies is that all that is neccessary of you is to watch the first 15 minutes to judge how good or bad the acting and effects will be because you know the story already.
One of the many advantages to living in a farming community is the availability of cheap fresh produce. I went to the farmers market yesterday and filled my fridge with fruit, vegetables and cheese for under $15.00. The carrots were so sweet that they should have been sold as candy. I made carrot salad last night to go with the salmon.
Carrot Salad: 4 to 5 shredded carrots, 1/2 tin of shredded pineapple, raisins, crushed walnuts, slivered almonds, lemon juice, 2 tbsp's mayo. Mmmmm.
Planked Salmon: marinate salmon in olive oil, lemon juice and lime juice for a few hours. Spice with lotsa garlic, sweet basil, townhouse lemon & herb seasoning, townhouse roasted garlic and red pepper seasoning, squeeze one orange over top, thinly slice one orange and arrange over salmon, lay salmon on cedar cooking planks and place on barbeque at low heat for about 30 minutes.
Sister came to visit us last weekend. We took her to a huge antiques warehouse in Waterford and then for lunch. After that we drove the shoreline from Port Rowan back to Port Dover. The whole time I could not help myself from selling the area and pointing out every house for sale or every area I liked. I keep hoping by some twist of fate her and Cap will move this way instead of Kingston way.
Well, the gang is back from their travels and so duties beckons me. Thanks for dropping in and for that I wish you love, happiness and well-being. Good on ya'!

On Prophecy

We had a big storm pass here last night. I didn't know if I was in a storm or at a rave with all the thunder base and lightning strobes. All that lightning killed the power in the area so I fired up my portable radio and dialed through the waves. I latched onto an American talk radio station based out of Cleveland whose guest was an authority on prophecy. His view on the Israeli move into outside territory was that it was a push to ensure any missile attacks would fall short of major centers in Israel. His reasoning was that since Jewish prophecies foretold of WWII they hold some sway on Jewish policy. Prophecies point to the year 2006 at the end of the Jewish year (which makes that roughly in the last three days in Sept. on our calendar) as the beginning of WWIII. It is called the war of the knife (rough translation) since it is thought to be a war to the end (total annihilation with armies running out of weapons and turning to knives). So, with the distinct possibility that prophecies (and religion of course) are guiding and driving foreign policy for Israel one has to ask if the prophecies are actually true or are they fictional stories that are becoming self-fulfilled. I believe the latter to be more accurate. There have been countless prophecies foretold by numerous groups of humans throughout time. Some have come to be while many have not. I tend to believe that a great number of prophecies that have come to be are mostly coincidence or based on forecasting possible futures much like science fiction writers have done. Until humans can let go of religious dogma and superstitious forecasting as well as relinquishing the power to follow these downward paths, our race is run. This is not to say we must give up the idea of spiritualism and its positive influences, but we need desperately to realize that spirtuality is far different than religious zeal or blind faith in prophecies. Even if prophecies were based on real visions from spiritualist our fate would not be sealed. Fate is life. It is ever changing. We have the power to change the outcome of this world although it seems highly unlikely we will.

Indian vs. White Perspectives

White: Never trust a man who will not partake in at least one cocktail with you.
Indian: Never trust white men offering you alcohol.

White: A smart man understands the phrase "Hell hath no fury like a womans scorn" and knows when to keep quiet and stay out of her way.
Indian: The rabbit that remains the stillest lives the longest.

400 Kilometers

Went to the Lighthouse Theater tonight to see a play. It was very entertaining filled with witty humour and an important message for this area especially at this time. The playwrite was attempting to breach the defenses of Whites and Indians and get to an understanding of each others worlds by first providing clashes between them over their differences and then by a coming together and gaining of mutual respect over their likenesses. I can not due the play justice by trying to break it down, but I will say I left feeling a little more hopeful by seeing a positive message being brought to the audience. I also picked up a book today from the library titled "The Indian Agent" which is making me think somebody out there knows what they're doing. I've been feeling the tug lately from that spiritual side of me. Back to my honourary title of Gate Keeper of the Wannabe' Tribe.

Channel Excess

We got satellite when we moved into our home last year. We got a movie package that includes six channels one of which is MNExcess. At most times this channel plays regular movies like "War of the Worlds" "The Island" or Million Dollar Baby", but come midnight they air a few hours of x-rated content. I have a few questions about these "films":
A) Is it a requirement that all the women in these films have breast implants?
B) Is it necessary to add more storyline to terrible acting, ridiculous plots and direction reminiscent of the great Noomboo of the Clarke Institute for Chimpanzee Film and Poker.
C) Must all men wear goatees?
D) Are the Maori style tattoos on most of the men a requisite to pass porn school?
E) Are the winged-like tattoo designs found on the backs of most woman a proof of purchase mark?
F) Are the men trained not to run away while during intercourse the female looks back at them with a look of pain, surprise, nausea, murder? I get that idea that these women are cobra snakes. While you play the music (intercourse) they will move rhythmically and not feel the need to strike out, but as soon as you stop you become very expendable.
G) Do porn stars shave their privates to make it easier to see where things are supposed to fit?
H) Do male porn stars wear earplugs to block out all the sounds? I mean these women don't shut up. They sound like racoons in the night fighting for territory.
I) Am I supposed to be aroused by these films or view them as a new category of comedy? If its the latter I congratulate those of you responsible.

Gay Owen Schools Macho Man

This is going back a bit. One night early in my relationship with a certain Jenn Z. we went out to Zak's (Soo watering hole extraordinaire at one time) to drink and dance and be merry. Upon entering Jenn ran into a fellow she knew by the name of Owen and introduced us. Being somewhat of a wannabe comedian/freakboy I greeted Owen with my best effeminate
lilt never once thinking that I would actually meet a gay male in the Soo while spewing forth a bad imitation of Nathan Lane in "Birdcage". Well, Owen did not seem at all perturbed by my "Hi Sailor. You wanna dance" greeting and, in fact, seemed very eager to play along as he responded in kind stating "Sure. I love to dance. Save a slow one for me." After a few drinks the Vikings (our musical entertainers for the evening) began to sound very good indeed so we all began gyrating on the floor trying to discover the groove of our all too white backbones. And then it happened.... While, with eyes shut, trying to find the soul in my step that the alcohol was obviously messing with I felt a luscious deep kiss fall upon my lips. I was quite taken with JZ at the time and when I opened my eyes to return the favour there stood Owen beeming at me. I froze. I turned many different shades of red including chartreuse. I mumbled. I stuttered. I finally found the words "Don't you ever do that again." He kissed me again. I was completely embarrassed and quickly looked around to see who was laughing at me. I mustered "Do that again and I will punch you in the face". A little servere, but considering the moment it was either that or "Shaddap goof." I sat down at our table and drank a lot and began to lighten up about the whole ordeal. I had always thought of myself as a tough guy who did "manly" work and thought gays were weirdo's. After getting over the initial shock of being kissed by a male I was able to chuckle about it and felt flattered that I was the object of affection. Thinking about it I probably would have reacted the same way to a woman who kissed me without my want and/or consent. Owen left due to my threat of violence which was too bad as I had led him on, albeit unwittingly. Thanks Owen for teaching me a little bit more about myself and I am sorry I was not nor am now gay for you would have made a hell of a boyfriend.

The Homecoming Queen (and Two Princesses)

I picked up Theo, Rain and Cassidy from the GO Station in downtown Hamilton this afternoon. They were about a 1/2 hour late so I was wandering around searching for them. As I re-entered the station I spied my three beauties approaching. When Rain saw me she came running and threw her arms around me while I had the biggest grin in the world on my face. Cassidy then ran at me and jumped into my arms and proceeded to tell me about her whole trip at a speed that is reserved for test pilots. I glanced to my right and sitting on a bench was a woman and her two children who was absolutely beaming at how cute this all was. She proceeded to well up and I thought "Damn you woman. Do not well up. I am doing everything in my power not to blubber like the sentimental fool I am." I welled up. It was completely beyond my control.

Fast Cars, Loose Women and the Redneck Life

Every once in awhile I get an email with pics of cars, bare-breasted women or a depiction of redneck life. Let me address my personal views on these topics.

Cars: I don't care what the new Mercedes looks like or any other over-priced gas guzzling extention of the male member. I am practical when it comes to vehicles. It has to get me to point B from A, be good on gas and allow me to fit my family (including dog) into it.

Bare-breasted women: While I am definitely a huge fan of the female anatomy I have no interest in barbie doll women with fake tits, too much makeup and teased hair especially when they are flopping over a vehicle

Depictions of redneck life: I live in a farming area. I see this shit every day live with my own eyes. While some may find it amusing to see people doing stupid things or looking like goobers, I personally gain no satisfaction whatsoever in seeing the missing link in all its splendor.