The Chronosynclastic Infundibulum

Goodbye Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Thank you for creating a place where all the truths funnelled together and fit for even a brief period.

It's All Happening

I have applied to transfer schools from York U. to Laurier and so far everything looks good. Laurier has a campus in Brantford which is close to us so the commute will be done over the course of the next few years. One year and I have my degree and another for teachers college. When I picked up my youngest this afternoon I sat waiting for her teacher to escort her out and it struck me that I am going to be a teacher in the not so distant future. There is a part of me that knows that teaching is my calling and there is another part that thinks there is no way the powers that be would allow me to command a classroom. That fear of the unknown that keeps creeping into my brain whispering "You're too much of misanthrope to succeed. You are way too shy to deal with all the social obligations involved. You will choke when faced with adversity." And yet, I still sally forward. It's funny because I know I have it in me to be a very good educator, yet I am filled with self-doubt. For now I tell myself that I will just get the degree(s) and worry about the rest of it later. I don't want to burnout before I even get in front of a class.

He Was Kilgore Trout

Albert Finney is one of my favourite actors of all time. He has played many roles and while he may not be as versatile as some others he is a damn great character actor. Funny thing is I always forget his name. We could sit down and name our favourite actors and his name would be at the tip of my tongue, but I most likely wouldn't come up with it. I would name a few standby's like Bogart or Irons all the while trying to come up with Finney's name. How could I forget the man who played Kilgore Trout for crying out loud.

Night at the Lighthouse

The Lighthouse is our theatre here in Port Dover. It's actually the nicest theatre in the entire area and is home annually to many productions. For the last seven years near the end of March a variety show is put on consisting of students from our High school, Public School and Catholic School. The students at each of their schools perform in a variety show and are picked by judges to perform in the big show. Imagine my delight when my oldest daughter was picked to perform. She and her friend sang "My Favourite Things" from the Sound of Music. I felt so proud of my girl up there on stage singing her heart out. I'm still smiling over it. She and her friend were the third act of the show so we sat through many performances before the end of the show. I felt a little like the Grinch. My usual cynicism towards our world gave way to delighting in how wonderful we humans can be. The youth, hope, energy and joy I witnessed was intoxicating. My youngest yelled out pre-performance "Hi Rain Girl" which cracked the audience up. Then she proceeded to ask the woman sitting in front of her if she had farted. Thankfully she found it very amusing. I still feel the effects of the evening and I hope it stays. Sometimes I get too caught up in the negative aspects of us humans. We all have our skeletons. We are all human. We do bad things. Understanding that and being able to get beyond it is paramount in seeing the good we do. The love we share. The joy we can bring to one another. And maybe I become more corny and sentimental (or just mental) as life flies by, but I tellya', it sure feels a whole lot better this way.

Insomnia

Wednesday 2:46am.

Theo: Honey, wake up!

Troubles: Huh whaaa. Wassa madder? Wassa madder?

Theo: I'm sorry to wake you up, but I can't sleep.

Troubles: Oh. Ummmm. I can.

Back to bed at 5:12am.

Sign of the Times

Paying for jobs. This is my new fixation. I am amazed at the lack of any outpouring denouncing this practice. Monster, Workopolis and Apply-to-teach all are "services" that hit you up for money so you can get a job. In the case of Apply-to-teach, you have people coming out of University/Teachers College who are mostly loaded down with debt from student loans and living expenses who are forced to fork out money so they can apply to school boards for a job. This service has been picked up by most school boards because education cuts over the years have left school boards searching for ways to bring in revenues to offset budgets that do not and can not meet the needs of the populace. We are so backwards that we now accept these types of revenue generating strategies while our government cries broke yet have billions in surplus revenues each year. We allow time and again expenses to be laid at our own doors while we continue to fork out income taxes, GST and PST. Our social net is constantly shrinking while we see no real changes in the amount a citizen of Canada pays out to there government. Where is all this money going? Nobody gets angry about these things any more. They ho-hum and fork it out. We used to be a strong nation of people with a voice and an understanding of the importance of social fabric. Now, we are just a bunch of pussies waiting in line to be suckered out of their hard-earned pay.

Adventures With Theo

So I drive Theo's mom to Hamilton so she can catch the GO bus back to Toronto. Theo escorts her mom into the station along with Rain while Cassidy and I sit waiting in the car. After an eternity Theo and Rain return to the car and we are off to visit a friend and former colleague of Theo's. Joanne and her husband Chris had twins 6 months ago and moved to Hamilton from Toronto shortly after delivery. I have a basic idea of the direction I need to start towards and do so. After a few minutes I ask Theo for the directions. She fishes through her pockets, her purse, again through her pockets and once again through her purse. She once again fishes through her pockets only to come up empty of the directions we were to follow.

Theo: Oh my God I think I threw the directions into the garbage at the terminal.

Me: What? Are you serious?

Theo: Yep. Man, I can't believe I did that.

Me: Well, that's brilliant. Do you remember the address at least?

Theo: No. I know its near Aberdeen and Dundurn. Near the Tim Horton's.

Me: *Shaking my head* Near the Tim Horton's huh. *Dripping with sarcasm*

Theo: Don't do that! Can't you look at this as an adventure? Other people would consider this fun you know.

Me: Oh my love, it is and always has been an adventure.

After knocking on three doors we found the place and the babies were beautiful.

F & F

One of the great things about living in a small town relatively close to Toronto is that visiting is never an issue. What's even nicer is that we rarely have to do any of the visiting. We get to entertain and that's just great by me. Our friends Mario and Darlene and their daughter Hannah came for a visit the last few days. Last night after the kids were put to bed we stayed up until 2am drinking and playing euchre. Getting up early in the morning hungover, while never pleasant, actually made me a little giddy. I haven't been sloshed in years and while in past moments of hungoveredness I would question why I was so stupid to have imbibed so much the night previous, that question never entered my clouded noggin' this am. We laughed hard and long and often to the point where our cheeks hurt and our sides stitched. We had my favourite hangover cure of water, coffee, bacon, toast and eggs over-easy. We walked and talked all over town and around until the effects of too much alcohol were gone. And these are simple things which many a peruser of this blog will find boring and/or meaningless, but it is true of the old adage 'the best things in life are free'. Here's to simple pleasures shared with Friends and Family.

At Wars End

Our Eve online war is over. We handed them their asses. More like some of the other guys in our Corp did. I was far too sick to be of any use this weekend. Two days of fever left me often too tired to do anything but sleep and watch the idiot box. All this during our three day weekend. Yea that was fun.

In Like a Lion

The school just called to tell me they are closing up and sending the kids home due to the weather. I love snowdays. My wife will be home soon too. Looks like it's time to bundle up and go tobogganing. Hopefully this storm lasts and they close tomorrow too. Ahhhh a three day weekend. Sweet! I'm still a kid.

Frozen in Time

Was thinking of some moments in my life that bring me great joy. The first time I saw my wife which was the precise moment I fell in love with her. Saturday night hockey games with my Grandfather who spoiled me rotten. Watching my sister walk down the "aisle" with "Rain Song" playing in the background. Assisting on a goal for a young kid who had never scored a goal and seeing the excitement and joy on his face and his fathers. Walking on the ice on Lake Erie with my daughter talking about the Arctic, sink holes, pressure points and the best ice for sliding on.

Kissing and Houses

Rain: I wish us kids could be more grown up about things. I mean everybody knows that kissing is gross, but I really want to kiss Graham.

Dad: Uh oh.

And...

Cassidy: Rain has her house of swimming and painting. Mommy has her house of flowers. Daddy, you have your house of hockey. And I have my house of happy meals with no sauce.

It's War

War has been declared against our Corp on Eve Online. The galaxy will not be the same. Oh how I long for a simpler time.

Dinner Conversations II

Cassidy screams and begins crying. Leaves her chair and sits with her mother, finger raised to signify the culprit of her tears. She calms down a minute later trying to laugh again.

Cassidy: Hey, don't bite down on that. Hahaha.

Dad: Did you bite your finger by accident?

Cassidy: No.

Dad: Cassidy, did you bite your finger?

Cassidy: No the teeth done it. Bad teeth. Bad teeth. Say you're sorry!

Dinner Conversations

Cassidy: Mom, your husband got blue eyes.

Mom: Yes he does.

Cassidy: And he's a dog owner.

Mom: Yes. He has blue eyes and is a dog owner. You know a lot about my husband.

Cassidy: His dog is a girl. Is she going to marry another dog?

Mom: Dogs don't marry, honey. Only people marry.

Cassidy: Yes she will. She's going to marry Prince Wow-wow.

Family Spam

I have an Aunt in Northern Ontario and an Uncle in Alberta who daily send me emails in substantial amounts. To top it off, they send each other emails so I very often get them sending me the same messages. Further more, the content (animals dressed in suits, painted, sitting in baskets or shoes, redneck jokes, blonde jokes, racist jokes) is mostly horrible. Case in point; my Uncle sent me an email yesterday entitled "Beware of Infrared Cameras". When I opened the attachment a film clip appeared of a soldier standing in some sort of building while others walked around him. Then, from the soldiers ass area, there, in all its splendor seen through the miracle of infrared, erupted a dark geyser which began to ascend in a cloud-like shape before dissipating entirely. It is at this moment that I think about how little my Uncle knows about me and how much I know about him.

Bones and Cap

My sister had been visiting for a few days before her Cap came for the weekend. We laughed a lot, ate some really good food (the salmon sausage pasta and cheeses were awesome), went skating and gamed a little. And, you know when you have visitors, there comes that point where you want them to leave? Well, we never reached that point and the house is a little too quiet today.

The Visitor

We have a visitor here in our groovy love pad. She eats all our fruit (bananas especially the litte monkey) most of the chicken pie and a good helping of our homemade pizza. She makes my girls squeal in delight while they invent new fart jokes. She has been made an honourary child by the girls as they have christened our guest with Sir Rex the Very Large (our biggest stuffed animal) who, in his german shepherd ways, protects the throng. I could go on, but here's the summorized version. We have a visitor who shines in an already glowing home. It's a good mix.

After Dinner Query

Our eight year old approached my wife and I while sitting at the table post supper.

Rain: Hey Mom and Dad, you know Vivaldi's "Four Seasons"?

*Quick looks of surprise are traded between Mom and Dad*

Mom: Uh, yes.

Rain: How does "Spring" go again?

*With jaws agape*

Mom: We forget. Why don't you go put it on the cd player.

A Klaus Call

Completely heartbroken and inebriated to the point of being reckless and likely to find trouble in numbers I drag my butt into Zak's (not knowing what it's called these days) which is my third or fourth bar of the night. Miserable and surly I grab a seat at the bar and too loudly tell Klaus to give me a beer. He complies as I more slurp than drink the beer while writing illegible nonsensical poetry about how I was screwed over. And Klaus finds it in himself to come and talk to me. Calms me down and finds a way of reaching me. He cuts through my pain to the very essence of my suffering and lays it all out on the bar for me. He gets me to drink water now and some coffee. Tells me where I went wrong and what an asshole I am being while also showing me the good side of who I am. He does it in such a way that all I can do is respect him even though he is exposing truths most want to stay hidden. I thank him and leave the bar feeling lighter. As I exit she is there. Emotions all jumbled and askew. I slip back into false bravado and bullshit as a carload of her friends drive by and hurl insults at me. I challenge them to fight, but she drives them off. She pleads with me to straighten up, but I find that most fridgid side of pain and walk away. And when it's all said and done and I find me again I remember Klaus. I remember him again today and I still find thanks for being led to the right door. Thanks for having wisdom beyond his years. Thanks for being human to a young man who needed to be righted. Thanks.

Fathers and Daughters

Cassidy: I'm not your father, daddy. I am a daughter.

Dad: Yea, that's right.

Cassidy: Yea, I'm a daughter. I'm your daughter, daddy. Mommies not a daddy. Mommies a mommy.

Dad: Yes, that's right. Mommy is a mommy.

Cassidy: And your Rain's daddy too.

Dad: It's 50-50 there kid.

Freaks Me Out

It freaks me out, to varying degrees, how the majority of female celebrities are made into sex objects. I mean besides Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears (are they really celebrities?) flashing (bombarding?) us their naughty bits which falls into the category of "those women who cater to the lowest common denominator". I am talking about the Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Scarlet Johannson women of fame. I would listen to their music, see their movies regardless of how pouty they make their lips or how flirtatious their eyes train on me. Does sex have to sell everything these days? One day these woman are serious at their craft and then they hit a little fame and its short shorts and tight t's city. Speaks a lot about society don't it.

Eve(L) Online

My charismatic brother-in-law told me about this game (Eve online) at a time when I was searching for a new diversion. Now? I am mainlining Eve straight into my brain. It's so addictive that i really should quit playing. He was right; I just might lose my wife over this game.

Hot Chocolate

Powder into the the cups "Can we play on your dads computer" three spoons "No, he's working on it" seven marshmallows "My mom threw out my jens cuz they was ripped" remove kettle from burner "Let's play petshop toys" carefully pouring the water into each cup "Mrs. Dingleman is such a mean teacher. I like Mr. Anger" Stir it well so no chocolate bumps are present "When we used to have a pool I could do a handstand underwater" a little cream now to cool it off and make it rich "Yea and I could carry her piggyback but not in real life, but only in the water" Set cups on the table "Rain, bring your friends to the kitchen for the hot chocolate". Lots of shiny smiles.

WTF

I hate to even admit this, but I got this sent to me via email. What the fuck is wrong with people. If anyone should be hunted and shot as prey it's people who make this shit up. For fuck sakes, think about it. You are talking about human beings. I am so pissed off.

Post edited!

Happy Birthday Muhammad

Yesterday was the 65th birthday of Muhammad Ali. A great fighter, but more importantly a great man. During a time of heated racial tension and prejudice, Ali spoke his mind saying things that other black man would have been or were killed for. His stance against the Vietnam war, while many felt unpatriotic, was yet another example of his showing his passion and fortitude for an issue he felt strongly about. I remember growing up and hearing Ali described as a dumb spook who was just an ignorant coward. Times have certainly shown who the ignorant cowards were. Times have shown what an intelligent and strong man he was and is.

Life Lessons


Sometimes things just seem so ducky that we become oblivious to our surroundings.




Enjoy that moment for you never know what lurks just out of sight.

Ice Day in Dover

Sports Banter

While I still enjoy watching a game the hype up to it can often drive me nuts. Football "panelists" especially going off about how this guy is going to play better now that his divorce is final or how this defence has to turn it around to have a chance yadda yadda blah. Seriously, get stoned one night and watch a sports discussion show. I did a few years back and watched "That's Hockey" and I couldn't watch them. They are over the top serious about issues that may not even have any facts attached to them.

And a few other things:

What the hell is up with truck commercials? The bullshit lines they use and the testosterone overdosed voices are snutz. Any man who buys into these commercials is seriously compensating.

I love how our Prime Minister acknowledged that Canadians hold the environment as the number one priority which now makes it the number one priority of the government. A lovely sentiment while outside the parliament buildings sat the PM's motorcade of 3 sedans and an suv idling for over 6 hours.

My homepage sucks. On it at this very moment--->Golden globes best/worst outfits (I can't wait),top ten concept cars(anything that runs on water?), Alpha Dog trailer(a movie that will be the bomb not da bomb), "Cox says there will be no Friends reunion"(I guess they weren't that close after all), an advert with a beaver as the spokesperson (I have Bell services and I am embarrassed), looking for love--check out our dating tips (yea that's how you'll score a hottie), Most searched---> Ivanka Trump (WTF is Ivanka?), Richards and Sambora to wed in Italy (WTF are Richards and Sambora?)

Axe commercials. I just keep thinking about all the poor schmucks who actually think that body wash will get them laid.

Irrevesible

I had heard some of the discussion following this movies premiere at the Toronto Film Fest in 2002. A large part of the discussion dealt with a scene where a woman is brutally raped which went on longer than some people felt neccessary. I did not see the movie until 2006 by which time I had forgotten all about the stir it had caused. The story is told in reverse chronological order leaving us wondering the how's and why's of each scene. It is a film that grips you even though it is tremendously disturbing. From the brutal killing inside a gay bar at the beginning of the film, to the long brutal rape scene in a subway to a woman lying on the grass on a beautiful day I was both mesmerized and disgusted. What made this film so brutal was that it was plausible. This sort of thing could have happened. At first you are disgusted by the murder of the man until you see that he was the rapist. It brings out the vigilante in us. The rape scene which was so heatedly debated is prolonged, but it makes it more real to the audience flooding us with emotions. Terror, anger, outrage, sadness, agony. Make no mistake, this film was created to shock. To create debate. To force us to empathize. It is on tonight at 11:30 pm and while part of me wants to watch it again, I do not believe I have it in me to make it through it a second time. I believe it is an important film, well crafted in all facets, but it is a look into that darkest side of the human expereince.

Politics 101

Ignore the words and pay attention to the actions. Do not assign emotions to politicians for they assign none to you. Government officials recieve the bulk of their campaign donations from big business. Do not assume that those donations do not come with a price tag. Military campaigns rarely have anything to do with religion or goodwill. They are constructed to help attain more geo-political power, resources and/or defending existing interests. In other words, war is about money. Those countries which rely heavily upon oil resources have the most to lose by implementing environmental actions. Smokescreen plans like "The Clean Air Act" will never actually be implemented nor would they work in any case. Government leaders rely upon people being patriotic and/or devoted to that countries predominant religious beliefs. This makes the populace easier to control. Examine your wants, needs and desires and compare them to the average person living in another land. Most people want the same things out of life. Think about the animosity that exists between your land and another and where it comes from.

Look Out Picasso

My youngest said she missed me when she went with her mom and sister to Toronto. She gave me this picture "Here Dad. I make this picture for you. Oh I love you, Dad. That's my big boy."

Yet Another Talented Canuck Band (Elliott Brood)

It sucks that mainstream media focuses its attention on pop acts that sing the same stuff over and over when there are talented bands out there like Elliott Brood, Rogue Wave, The Arcade Fire, Lou Barlow etc... On the other hand, it kind of makes a music lover smile when they can dig up some music. It's almost like going on a treasure hunt.

What the Kids Had to Say

Theo and the girls spent the night at her mom's. In the morning my three beauties were going to the pool, but Theo's mom (Stefka) had other ideas and delayed them by panicking over nothing (which she and her exhusband are masters of) and guilting her daughter into taking more useless stuff home with her.

Theo: Mom, I am not taking that bag of stuff. You give it to me only because you don't have the heart to throw it out yourself, which I would gladly do for you if I had room in the car.

Stefka: How dare you. These are things of quality I feel you could use...

Cassidy: C'man mom. Let's go swimming.

Stefka: ...and they are not for the garbage.

Theo: You mean like this black, orange and green butter dish from the 70's with "Butter Me Up" written on it or this jar of capers from 1992?

Stefka: I got that butter dish in 1982 not the 70's...

Cassidy: Grandma, you're crazy. Let's go swimming. I love my dad. He's soooo funny. He makes me laugh. Ok bye grandma.

Stefka: A umm whaaa a huh.


The night previous they stayed at my father-in-laws place. Theo had plans with a friend and was taking the kids over to her house to play with her child. Grandpa had other ideas and a big fight unsued culminating in my wife having to break the news to a 4 year old that Rain wasn't coming to play with her, but instead going out with her Grandpa to Yorkdale. They discussed the events the next morning.

Theo: Dad, do you know how embarrassing that was for me to break those plans?

Gjoro: Oh c'mon man. She's four. She will get over it.

Theo: I'm sure she will, but her mother, on the other hand, who is one of my very best friends, was not at all impressed.

Gjoro: C'mon, Rain is eight. She doesn't want to play with a four year old. She was much more happy going to Yorkdale with me than going there.

Rain: Actually, Grandpa, I kinda would have liked to have gone to Hannah's to play a little more.

Gjoro: Oh.

Home Alone

My lovely wife is away with our two beautiful children for a few days visiting family in Toronto. Lovely and beautiful for I am all alone which means the toilet seats are up, the dishes are in the sink and I am absolutely stuffed on junk food. Mmmmm, homemade pizza, donuts, M & M's. I feel so fat and happy.

Movie Star Aspirations

You move to a soundtrack. You are hip and new, mellow with an edge with a good old light classic for an ending. Formulaic, yet done in a way that screams fresh and new with a twist. You begin dull, yet there is a creepy undertone that draws us in. You have us waiting. Are you a doomed character, about to witness or be subjected to a human crime, or are you an accomplice, are you about to use your shaky mixed up persona to commit some freaky act? Where are you going with this? Ah, so an act of desperation is it? We are to allow for your cold hearted treatment of the deceased due to the desperation you have for a better life. Your best friend will balance this even more as she/he clings onto an ordinary life to show us clearly that you can not settle for less. You fraud your way into a better life. You have money now. You can travel and search. Yet, you still remain in a mixed state of constant wonderment, shock, depression and sex. Give us the one night stand and full frontal nudity in an artful way. Give us the scene with you spending time with a happy family chatting about life over an exotic dish. The strobe light scene of you walking through a crowd with your eyes wide and face sweat covered. Do not end it! Just walk away down a country road, a garden path, sailing on a ferry, riding on a bus or train. Let us hang. Make us wonder so we can pretend you have depth, pretend we have depth, pretend there is depth. Make it simple enough so we can feel we know what is what. So we can have our opinion. So we can trash the flik. We need to make judgements on you for our own sense of self even though we really have no idea who you are. You are the superior character in a cast of dull underachievers and we relate to that. We might not admit to it, but even subconsciously we know it is there. So, now it is all over and the credits roll. Where will your name be? Assistant Key Grip? Boy in the Meadow? Girl at the Beauty Salon? Cab Driver in Spain? The Deceased? The Lead? The Writer? Every roll has its own perspective. Every perspective has its own judgements. So, who are you to judge?

As 12:00 am Approaches

I want to wish everyone a happy new year now in case I pass out in the next few minutes. I am sick. So very sick. I just want to get drunk and crash cars. No pity replies please. Just be good to yourselves and I thank you for being in my life. Make a resolution you have a chance of keeping and try to do something nice for a loved one today like fetching them a barf bucket or some gravol.

The Godfather of Soul



James Brown has died at 73. His heart gave out under the stress of severe pneumonia early Christmas morning. Many will remember him for his troubled times during the 80's and 90's for his arrests involving drug possession, firearms violations and domestic violence which tarnished an otherwise stellar career. When Martin Luther King was assasinated and riots broke out, it was Brown who was called in to help quell the situation. He preached love and played a large part in pushing the movement for racial pride. When "Say It Out Loud--I'm Black and I'm Proud" was released it was a landmark statement which pretty much brought an end to the term "coloured". He was proof that words and music could help change the world.

One For the "Ladies"

This is for all you guys out there that are stuck with no gift for that special someone in your life. When diamonds or other extravagant gifts just don't relate your feelings of how you feel about her. If you really have that desire to show her how you really feel, perhaps this is a gift you should consider.

Magic Moments

It was 1992 at Buckeye Lake, Ohio where I was attending a Grateful Dead concert that I met Vernon. At Dead concerts there were very often areas sectioned off where people sold/bartered wares which was called Shakedown Street. I wasn't feeling all that great so I lay down on a patch of grass in the shade. People walked by me asking if I was alright to which I responded I was fine although I could feel another headache coming on and I actually felt like crap. Like really hungover without the benefit of having gotten drunk. Yet another person asked me if I was alright and I told him yes I was. He knelt down beside me and asked if I was sure. "Just feeling run down is all. No worries." He told me his name and that he was a naturopath/chiropractor from the Smokey Mountains and asked me specific questions about my health to which I played along. Within a few minutes he had me with one leg in the air with one hand on my shoulder and the other at the base of my neck. I then felt and heard a quick violent snap and.....relief. I was energized, headache free, awake. I felt marvellous. I offered him money which he would not take, but eventually he let me buy him a grilled cheese sandwhich and a beer. He told me of his life in the mountains where he bartered for his services. People would bring him chickens, veggies and goats etc... to pay for his healing hands and some would pay cash so he had a comfortable life. He was full of good energy and he passed that onto me. The rest of the day and evening I had one of the best times of my life which I shared with anyone and everyone around me. Amazing what a little healing and postive energy can do for a person and another and another and another....

A Morning In the Life

It's 8:10am, my girls are not yet dressed and their bus will arrive at 8:25am. They have two speeds: slow and stop. Rain is trying to push clothes for Cass under the bathroom door. Cass is yelling from the bathroom "No, not that one". I open the door to see Cass in nothing but underwear attempting to pull a shirt over her head. I take her into the den to her dresser and find pants for her, but no socks. I ask Rain to look for socks in the clean clothes basket we haven't sorted, folded or put away. I throw my jeans and some socks on telling the girls to go put their shoes on. I approach the landing to see Rain with her ski-doo boots on and Cass with one shoe on and the visible foot without a sock on it. I look at Rain "I though I asked you to get her socks". She responds "Oh yea. I got the umbrellas". Which is all fine and good if it were raining which it's not. I ask her to get socks. Meanwhile Cass has managed to change her long sleeve shirt to a t-shirt so I try to find a sweater for her. Rain comes back with two different socks which at this point no longer matters to me. I put them on Cass and find a sweater that fits her. I get their coats on, mittens, backpacks and I can hear the bus approaching. "Run!!!!" I yell as I grab them by the hands and race across the street (looking both ways) to just make the bus on time. As I re-enter the house I see my reflection in the mirror on our landing. I forgot to put a hat on and my hair is standing in a semi-mohawk. My eyes are sleep covered and I have coffee stains all over the front of my shirt. And I think "I forgot to brush their hair".

Verification

I always get the craziest verification codes. You might see a code like trggui or xzvcdd, but not me. Mine are always defjgtoddlqokalesjxnhdui and zlxkpqaivuyfjdtg. And not that easy to read lettering either. The ones I am presented with require inspection and concentration and I must recheck to make sure I have it right which very often it isn't. I have pissed off a few people in my time so maybe the person running the verification thing is someone from my past. Perhaps an old flame (or spark) or someone who had the misfortune of trying to have a conversation with me when I was really drunk. Maybe it's revenge for all the bad poetry I wrote while intoxicated. Not only did it suck and make no sense, it was pretty much illegible unless you were drunk enough to read drunk.

Fruitcake Lady

This may be old hat for you people, but it's the first I heard of her. Thought she was cute.

It's Up

We let the girls do most of it and they had a blast. They were so focused on the task that they finished the job very quickly.

Peter Boyle



The mainstream will know Peter Boyle as Frank on "Everybody Loves Raymond", but Boyle had a very lengthy and respectable portfolio of work dating back to the mid 60's with roles in films such as Taxi Driver, Joe, Young Frankenstein, Medium Cool, The Candidate and Monster's Ball. To me, Boyle always seemed to tower over the other characters in his films. He was bigger than life and seemed to dominate the screen even besides the likes of Robert DeNiro and Robert Redford. A good friend of John Lennon who was Boyle's best man at his wedding to Lorraine Alterman of Rolling Stone. In the early 90's Boyle had to learn to speak again after suffering a stroke. I have always liked Boyle even though I am no fan of Ray Romano. My fave tv appearance was when he played Clyde Bruckman on the X-Files.

"I don't think I would be an actor if I was all that intelligent." P. Boyle

And the Answers Are

1) The African Queen
2) Airplane
3) Animal Crackers
4) Annie Hall
5) Apocalypse Now
6) Being There
7) Bladerunner
8) Blazing Saddles
9) The Breakfast Club
10)Bringing Up Baby
11)Caddyshack
12)The Caine mutiny
13)The Ciderhouse Rules
14)Cool Hand luke
15)The Court Jester
16)Dirty Harry
17)Dr. Strangelove
18)Duck Soup
19)Duck Soup
20)Ferris Bueller's Day Off
21)Five Easy Pieces
22)The Godfather Part II
23)Harold and Maude
24)Harvey
25)In the Heat of the Night
26)It's a Wonderful Life
27)The King of Comedy
28)MASH
29)Mister Roberts
30)Animal House

How did you make out?

Do You Know Your Movies?

See if you can guess what movies these quotes come from:

1) "Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put into this world to rise above."

2) "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."

3)"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know."

4) "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."

5) "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."

6) "I like to watch."

7) "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."

8) "Excuse me while I whip this out."

9) "Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns!"

10) "It isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you; but, well, there haven't been any quiet moments!"

11) "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!"

12) "Ah, but the strawberries! That's, that's where I had them."

13) "Good night, you princes of Maine, you kings of New England."

14) "What we've got here is failure to communicate."

15) "The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle. The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true."

16) "You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"

17) "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"

18) "I could dance with you 'til the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows 'til you came home."

19) "I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth."

20) "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

21) "Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules."

22) "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."

23) "L-I-V-E! Live! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room."

24) "Well, I've wrestled with reality for thirty-five years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."

25) "They call me Mister Tibbs!"

26) "Look, Daddy. Teacher says, 'Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.'"

27) "Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime."

28) "Oh, Frank, my lips are hot. Kiss my hot lips."

29) "Captain, it is I, Ensign Pulver, and I just threw your stinking palm tree overboard. Now, what's all this crud about no movie tonight?"

30) "Over? Did you say 'over?' Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!"

Answers to follow.

*Le Sigh*




My beautiful wife. She inspires me, she is sexy, smart, understanding, patient, loving, a great mother, loyal and for some crazy reason she is totally smitten with me. And I feel totally blessed to have two girls with her. And everything else I want to write is way too mushy and I can't have you all thinking I'm a softy. If you are thinking I am a softy I will frick you up, man.

Under the Radar

A couple of films that have probably passed under yours (and most peoples) radar screens which offer the viewer an engaging story with superb performances are Big Bad Love and The World's Fastest Indian.



The World's Fastest Indian is a story about New Zealander Burt Munro (portrayed by Anthony Hopkins) who, in his advanced years and heart trouble, travelled to America and the Salt Flats of Bonneville to break the streamlined under 1000cc land speed record on his custom built Indian Motorcycle. The write up of the film does it no justice. Hopkins is amazing in this film delivering a character performance that only a master could pull off and the direction is tight. Whether the storyline appeals to you or not is of no consequence. See this film for Hopkins performance.



Big Bad Love is one of those films that definitely does not possess mass appeal which, to me, is not necessarily a bad thing. Arliss Howard plays the lead, a troubled Vietnam vet trying to get his writing published while struggling with alcohol, mood swings and his separation from his children and his wife played by Debra Winger (who is his real life wife). Strong performances are turned in by Howard, Debra Winger, Paul LeMat, Rosanna Arquette and Angie Dickinson. Howard was the executive producer, director and screenwriter for the film giving the Larry Brown short stories a cohesive flow capturing the moody, emotional, melancholy yet still hopeful essence of his offerings. Tom Waits composed the score for the film.

Tsunami

The Fifth Estate aired "Tsunami: Untold Stories" last night which dealt with the natural disaster in 2004 that ravaged the coasts of Sumatra, Thailand, Indonesia, India, East Africa, Maldives,Myanmar, Maylasia and Sri Lanka. I found it interesting that, as we near the second anniversary of this tragedy, how little news coverage this received after the initial hit. The outpouring of support in the moment was swift and substantial, yet we failed by far to bring relief to the areas victims as far as long term support goes. Like most major events that span our globe, the news spreads quickly and most of us become caught up in the drama. Yet, within a relatively short period of time, we go on to forget about an event long before the people who suffer through them can return to some form of normalcy. Watching a 15 year old Sri Lankan boy talk about his ordeal, how he clung onto a bed while his mother and sisters were washed away to their deaths, was heart wrenching. Watching him articulate his experience calmly, almost emotionless, while his eyes exposed the pain clearly. The Norwegian couple who got separated and their separate experiences. The father with two of their three children, one of which is 8 months old and lost in the wall of water they became entrapped in. I am not saying that I am better than anyone else out there by writing this. It is not like I am any different from the majority. I guess I just wish we were not so concerned about citizenship, religion, boundaries, etc... meaningless things in times of disaster. Nature does not recognize our differences. Nature does not discriminate. Bleeding heart liberal? Commy? Idealist? How about human being.

http://www.cbc.ca/fifth/tsunami/

This Is Hilarious

Theo and I were laying in bed watching tv when this commercial came on. We nearly pissed ourselves laughing at the uber cheese. It aired just before America's Next Top Model which is also uber cheese. Can we cater to a lower denominator? I am sure they are working that out as I write and you peruse.

Dog Day

It's a dog eat dog world out there and this little one is already one step up on the competition. So what if she has misinterpreted what society believes that statement to be. No one would mess with her for the sheer fact alone that they could never keep a straight face.

A Western Classic



The first time I watched this movie was in the basement of our old house on Cartier St. when I was 15 years old. I would come home after partying with friends and make a few peanutbutter and jam sandwiches and head to the basement to watch a movie. I believe it was CBC that would air two late movies in a row beginning at midnight and they were usually of an adult variety. These are the movies that changed my life. They were mind altering experiences that directed me towards a more worldly view. McCabe and Mrs. Miller, Mash, Little Faus and Big Halsey, Downhill Racer, Serpico,Jeremiah Johnson, The Parallax View, Harry and Tonto, Harold and Maude, Midnight Cowboy, Little Big Man, Five Easy Pieces, Being There. I could go on and on. Some of the best American cinema was created in the 60's and 70's. Movies full of character and meaning. Deep plots that delved into the human condition; the social heartbeat. Plots attacked the military/industrial complex, human rights violations and injustices, corruption. In those days of film directors were given a wider creative birth. Film was more experimental than the "tried and true" formula of today's films. Sometimes we are thrown a great film in this age, but never in the same frequency of years before.

Day After Tomorrow

I got your letter today
And I miss you all so much, here
I can't wait to see you all
And I'm counting the days, dear
I still believe that there's gold
At the end of the world
And I'll come home
To Illinois
On the day after tomorrow

It is so hard
And it's cold here
And I'm tired of taking orders
And I miss old Rockford town
Up by the Wisconsin border
But I miss you won't believe
Shoveling snow and raking leaves
And my plane will touch tomorrow
On the day after tomorrow

I close my eyes
Every night
And I dream that I can hold you
They fill us full of lies
Everyone buys
About what it means to be a soldier
I still don't know how I'm supposed to feel
About all the blood that's been spilled
Look out on the street
Get me back home
On the day after tomorrow

You can't deny
The other side
Don't want to die
Any more than we do
What I'm trying to say,
Is don't they pray
To the same God that we do?
Tell me, how does God choose?
Whose prayers does he refuse?
Who turns the wheel?
And who throws the dice
On the day after tomorrow?

Mmmmmmm...
I'm not fighting
For justice
I am not fighting
For freedom
I am fighting
For my life
And another day
In the world here
I just do what I've been told
You're just the gravel on the road
And the one's that are lucky
One's come home
On the day after tomorrow

And the summer
It too will fade
And with it comes the winter's frost, dear
And I know we too are made
Of all the things that we have lost here
I'll be twenty-one today
I've been saving all my pay
And my plane will touch down
On the day after tomorrow
And my plane it will touch down
On the day after tomorrow

--Tom Waits--

Tom Waits was on The Daily Show last night. I have always liked his music and film work, but even more, I think the guy is just the coolest. I think I admire him so much because he's always done his own thing. Jon Stewart mentioned that he respected Waits for not jumping from fad to fad like Madonna. And while I have nothing against Madonna, Stewart makes a great point. Waits remains true to his expression of the self he has created or chosen to portray to us. And I believe fans of Waits are rarely if ever dissapointed with his offerings.

Death of a Master Film Maker

Better late than never to give a shout out to the recently deceased Robert Altman Feb. 25, 1925-Nov. 20, 2006. Altman directed a few of my fave films including MASH, McCabe and Mrs. Miller, The Long Goodbye, Nashville, Shortcuts, Gosford Park. I always loved how he could draw me into a film to the point of forgetting where I was. I almost felt a part of the film. He never enjoyed the mass popularity of some of his peers, but I believe that due to his method of story telling. Never one to cater to the mainstream, Altman was a director for the intellectual/artistic audience. His free speaking improve dialogue added a touch more reality to his work and his way of overlapping dialogue and characters was masterful. I know many people who were not a fan of Altman, but I defy any one of them to not find at least one of his films in their list of classics.

What Would the Dude Do?

Sometimes you just gotta throw on some Bob, stretch out on the floor and say fuck it. Even if, when you open your eyes, you get socked in the jaw. You might as well make the best of it and at least trip on your induced dream state. Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar eats you.

The Man In Me by Bob Dylan

The man in me will do nearly any task,
And as for compensation, there's little he would ask.
Take a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.

Storm clouds are raging all around my door,
I think to myself I might not take it any more.
Take a woman like your kind
To find the man in me.

But, oh, what a wonderful feeling
Just to know that you are near,
Sets my a heart a-reeling
From my toes up to my ears.

The man in me will hide sometimes to keep from bein' seen,
But that's just because he doesn't want to turn into some machine.
Took a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.

What A Save

Off to the Riverview P.S. outdoor rink at roughly age 8. I wonder sometimes if the rink was more my home than our old Cartier St. residence. I know I spent many winters skating after school, home late for supper and back to the rink until bed time. This might be my fave pic of all time.

Act II, Scene I, Diversion

So, our great Canadian government wants to, and is, reneging on the Kyoto Protocal. This causes a great deal of flak for the Conservative Party, so what do they do? They create "The Clean Air Act". Yahooooooooo!!!! So, what does this act entail? Esentially, not a thing to improve our environment. Industry will remain free from constraints until 2020 and/or 2050 which does nothing about the immediate problem which requires action to be taken now and not in 15 to 25 years. In 15 years the government of Canada will have changed how many times? The Bill on greenhouse emissions will change how many times? Between all these government changes where will the action take place? How can action take place? This will be a revolving door issue that requires immediate action, yet no action will have time to take effect. The business sector reaction was priceless. "A very ambitious plan". The Canadian Vehicle Manufacturer's Assoc. said they thought it was good that Canada was harmonizing its plan with the U.S. So, Harper has adopted the George Bush plan on Clean Air which places no restrictions on industry with little chance for restrictions in the future. These two countries will do nothing (and it matters not who is in power) on reducing greenhouse gasses because they believe it will too greatly affect their economies. Even the Liberals who accepted the Kyoto Agreement had no real intention or means of reaching the targets set. Big business controls our government and economy even though the majority (is this really a democracy?) wants the environment to improve. I believe Chretien agreed to the Kyoto Accord only because he did not want to be the man to quash it and have that as his legacy. I do not believe he thought for a moment that Canada would actually follow through on the committment and he knew he would not be in power when that came to fruition. Until the masses of North America stand up and fight the powers that be, we will continue to see our quality of life deteriorate.

A Common Trait in Males

I ask you, what man does not enjoy playing with his rubber ducky? What man does not feel pride in his rubber ducky and revel in the opportunity to show it off?

I Know

I know many of you want to ask me questions about love and life and lovelife and other matters and I know many of you are asking yourselves "How does Trouble keep it together so well"? Here are some important tips to lead you on the right path.

1) Eat your veggies and not just the green ones although they are generally the best. Add some squash in there and some beets etc...

2) As my Uncle Colin used to say "Never piss in your own back yard".

3) When you are with your lover do not check out the eye candy.

4) Flattery, flattery and more flattery.

5) Do not talk too much. Listen more than you speak.

6) Get enough sleep every night.

7) Exercise.

8) Do not fart, burp, spit or pick at body crevices/orifices in public (you would be surprised at how important this rule is).

9) Only talk to strangers in public places out in the open. Trust me on this one.

10) Avoid cliches lest you appear unoriginal.

I realize I have left a lot of your questions unanswered, but I hope this list will help at least a little in dealing with your day to day business. If you need information on any topic, just drop me a line or two and I will do my best to steer you in the right direction.

That Confounded Communication Device

I am not answering the phone any more. If you call my number you will here an answering machine telling you---> "Hello. You've reached the home of Troubles, Theo, Rain and Cassidy. Please leave us a message." If I want to talk to you I will pick up before you finish your message or I will definitely call you back. This is the way it has to be. I cannot take the chance that the person calling will be a telemarketer, that blank air we often get these days or, even worse, one of my in-laws. More specifically, my mother-in-law or father-in-law. Why, you ask? I am glad you want to know. Here is an example: I awake this morning to have a lovely breakfast before my lovely Theo takes our lovely girls out on a few lovely errands. A few minutes later the phone rings and being that I am in such a great mood and feeling social I decide to pick up the receiver. It is my father-in-law. You need to understand that this is a man who has all the social skills of a four year old. If you have put on weight he is going to let you know about it. If you have done some work around the house he is going to belittle it. If you make a point in a conversation he is going to argue it and it does not matter if he is wrong or right. That has nothing to do with it. He just loves to argue and seems to thrive on people getting pissed off at him. He will also speak any faults he perceives you to have regardless of his own for he feels he is as close to perfect as people can get. My heart sank a little when I heard his voice, but I was in a good mood and I already picked up the call so....he asks me what I have been up to and when I tell him I have been doing a lot of yard work he asks what kind of work at this time of year. Eight of the large paper compost bags of leaves kind of work and he tells me that it is nothing and it is only half an hours work. I voice my disagreement and he tells me to "Come on, get serious" and I realize he is baiting me into an argument so I stop arguing. He starts fishing for more information to use as fodder and, being somewhat of a master on the subject, I deftly snuff out his foray until he quickly becomes bored of me and moves onto the rest of my family. Still not taking the bait he gets bored and says he will call back later. And there it is; the end of my conversation and the beginning of a pissy mood. So, I try to stay positive yet my thoughts take over and I ponder on how this is my life these days. Somewhat boring what with in-law squabbles and yard work and job hunting and telemarketers and phone calls and leaking pools and Christmas lights and cooking and Elton John and blogging and youtube and hockey and movies blah.... Five years ago I was jumping off cliffs into Lake Superior. Watching a yearling black bear with my oldest as she (the bear not my daughter) ate termites from an old stump. Swimming almost daily. Meditating. And then I catch myself. I have a very good life. So, I go to get cleaned up and then out for an adventure along a trail somewhere, or the beach at Longpoint or a ride to Waterford. And I will no longer think of my in-laws for the time being.

Unblogged Random Thoughts

I am soooo tired. My youngest is sucking the life right out of me. I have sat down to write on many occassions of late, but rarely seem to write with any coherence. This may be happening now. We shall see. Here is some stuff I have been thinking about:
Glad the Democrats did well in the election, not that I believe they will change much of anything. At least the Neo-cons will have a few more hoops to jump through.

Have been thinking about art as a means of pushing boundaries set by government and/or big business. I am seeing more and more angry voices out there who are trying to vent their frustrations about their worlds. The more oppessed our society becomes, the more injustice that happens, the more art we create? Perhaps one reaches a point of cynicism where they become proactive? The more boundaries set the more boundaries we must push?

Religion freaks me out. We can prove by carbon dating and archeological evidence that the human race began roughly 60,000 years ago and we can trace the migration of the race and the time areas of the world became inhabited. Yet, people are still killing each other over human-created ideologies. When your choice of religion is mainly dictated by your environment you should ask yourself why that is. Oh I could go on and on.

Theo and I were discussing how great our life is. Our biggest concern is that our pool is leaking. I bet that is unfathomable to a refugee in Africa. If you were a Somali refugee who fell asleep in Kenya and woke up in Canada you would think you had just won the lottery.

I just had my 41st birthday and am looking for a job until I go back to school. When I was 39 I could still get a job, but now that I am 41 it does not seem to be happening. I am too educated for a lot of the jobs or not educated enough for others. I only need 3 1/2 course for my degree. One thing about moving from Toronto is the amount of nepetism here is insane where it barely exists there.

What is with tv comercials? I watching the game the other night and this comercial starts off "We are here in the wild of the jungle to see the Kia Serento (whatever the hell it was called) in it's natural habitat". Are you fucking kidding me? They all suck like that. That is one industry that needs an extreme makeover.

I am going to go cook fish now. Bye.

Remembering Shirley

Once upon a time, long long ago, I attended an elementary school. In my last year (grade 8) our teacher was this real asshat named Larry, so, to say the least, this class was a little dysfunctional. In that class were two sisters named Susan and Shirley. They were twins, but you would never have known they were related. Susan was a big girl, powerful and rotund who wanted to fight me on a number of occasions, while Shirley was slender and mild and quiet. Susan had dark brown short hair and skin problems while Shirley had long blonde hair and milky smooth skin. After Christmas that year, Shirley was absent. She was absent more than even I was throughout the year to that point, but this stretched on for some time. We asked Susan where Shirley was and all she would say is that she was sick. When she had been away for nearly a month Susan said she was living somewhere else. About a month and a half passed and Shirley returned to school. We were all very nice to her because we thought she was really sick, but after a few days we could see that she was healthy physically. We all noticed she had changed somehow, but we didn't know how. A few weeks later Shirley overdosed. It shook the school, the staff, our class. We all felt so terrible for Susan. As closure our class was bused to a funeral home to say goodbye to Shirley. I remember how spent her mother looked and I remember how red Susan's eyes were from crying. Thinking back to Shirley's return to school I remembered how out of it she was. She had a difficult time communicating, she moved in slow motion, her eyes were glazed over, she was depressed. How our teacher didn't see that she was stoned out of her mind is beyond me, but I did allude to his personality earlier. Rumours were flying. We heard she was hanging out with bikers, that she was prostituting, that it was suicide, that it was an accident, that she had a much older boyfriend. It was hard to know what to think. Susan became very quiet after that. Everyone was very nice to her, but I think she just wanted life to be normal. Later in the year this guy who was called Hairlip called her a cow after school. I called him out for it and we fought. Our teacher Larry saw us fighting and came out to talk to us. He let us fight with the stipulation that it be a fair fight, but I think he just wanted Hairlip to kick my ass. The next day Larry yelled at me and said I was a dirty fighter, but I think it was because I won the fight and he was disappointed and needed to vent. Later on Susan came up to me and thanked me. It meant the world to me at the time.

A Few of My Thoughts On Lethargy

The Time Traveller's Wife

Back awhile ago in Toronto, while out with my sister, I picked up a copy of "The Time Traveller's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger on her recommendation. I bought it thinking that my wife would probably love it, but I was skeptical about me ever picking it up. Weeks later, while indisposed in the bathroom, I began to peruse the book as it was the only reading material at hand. I immediately liked the writing style. It flowed even though the story hopped around so much. It was creative and had an interesting premise. With me, style counts for so much and Niffenegger had style. And so, I was hooked. I finished the book last night and sobbed like a school girl who got stood up for her prom. You know it's going to happen, you know what's coming, but there is just no bracing yourself when it comes. You tell yourself that it's just a story and that you are being irrational, but there is no way to stop yourself. Maybe what hit home for me is that I have, in recent years, become more and more afraid of my mortality since I now have more to live for. I am nearing the age of the male protagonist and being a father and devoted husband like him, it hit home for me. Thinking about the story I wondered if this fairytale was born from a relationship the author had with someone who died of cancer. Our memories flow in and out of time, yet are all here and now with us. A very well crafted story.

Sir Elton



It was my birthday yesterday and to celebrate my lovely wife took me to see Sir Elton John at Copps Coliseum in Hamilton. Although not as active, flamboyant or with the same vocal range he displayed when I saw him in Ottawa in the 80's, the guy can still really put on a great show. The performance began with "Funeral for a Friend (Love Lies Bleeding)" and included Tiny Dancer, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (my fave) Bennie and the Jets, Crocodile Rock, Philadelphia Freedom, Rocket Man, Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters, Someone Saved My Life Tonight (awesome), Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting, while in between these classics he mixed in some of the new songs off of "The Captain and the Cowboy". The man is such a ham, but such a great showman. During "Bitch is Back" he lay across his piano striking a pose and then jumped off. I was worried he might break a hip, but amazingly he is still agile for his years. I have been lucky over the years to see some great acts like Elton, Elvis Costello, Joe Cocker, all of whom put on an amazing show and seem very passionate about their craft. Even if you are not a fan, the performances are worth the price of admission. We went with Theo's friends from work which was amusing in itself. While they are extremely nice people they are very straight-laced christians. When they asked me what church I went to I responded "The round one". They pressed on. "What's the round church"? "It's the one where the devil can't corner me". They let the subject drop then. On the way home Theo and I thought about how much our lives have changed. We used to follow the Grateful Dead and party like mad pagans and now we are going to Elton John concerts with a group of christians whose idea of partying is, well...going to an Elton john concert. Maybe that's not such a bad thing really. There have been a few concerts I attended over the years that I missed out on due to being trashed out of my mind.

Passing Gas

I had a women come to my door today to try to sign me up with a retail gas company. Their promise to you the consumer is that your rate will be fixed at a set amount so if the price of gas increases your bill will not. What they do not tell you is that on average you will pay more than you would by buying directly from the gas company. Today this woman tried to make me feel like I was missing out on a great deal. She tried to make me think that I had to buy gas from an "official retail distributor"; that it was like a new law that you weren't allowed to buy your gas directly from Union. She acted shocked that I had not signed up yet. She tried very hard to persuade me without ever getting into too much detail about the facts. When I told her that her plan didn't sound right to me and that I was going to call the gas company to verify the information she was handing me, she went into another spiel about how everyone was switching over. The more she talked the more tense I became. I began thinking 'Who does this woman think she is? Who does she think I am'? She soldiered on. I now completely understood that she thought she was smarter than me and that she was going to get me to sign her paper. She used my neighbours down the street, who apparently signed up, as more bait for me to sign. The more she talked the more aggresive she became and the more she tried to make me feel stupid. I hate people that try to make you feel inferior, so I bluntly said "Look, I am not signing up with you until I know all the facts. I will call the gas company Monday and will then come to a decision". She sneered at me and rolled her eyes. "Good luck, sir" as she walked away. I thought "Yea, fuck you scammer". I did research this out. By staying with my present situation I should realize a decrease of $18.00 in my overall gas bill from a year ago. If I had signed with this woman's company I would have paid an increase of $6.00 for a swing of $24.00 all of which would go to her comapny. That totally pissed me off.

Hacking Democracy

I watched this documentary this evening called "Hacking Democracy" which focuses on the computerized election balloting in America. It was scary to see how easily an election could be rigged. While one of the main manufacturers (Diebold) continued to stand by the failsafe security of their system a small group of truth seekers united to test this claim. Their investigations which involved finding files on the internet containing security codes, finding paper results in the garbage (which is illegal---these results must be kept in safe storage) and testing the program for fraud found that the claims of Diebold were completely inacurrate. The memory cards used in Diebold machines were supposed to be program free to which Diebold execs and their head of engineering vow is true. Yet, when Harri Hursti (computer analyst)examined the memory card he found that it contained an executable program which would allow a person to configure the tally of votes any way they wanted to. When tested by the crew after Hursti had altered the programming on the memory card, the paper tally of 2 yes and 6 no votes came out of the computer as 7 yes and 1 no vote. They then attempted to see if the main computer could recognize the alteration and were surprised to find that no trace of alteration could be detected. In a nutshell; fraud was easily possible with no record of the real count to say otherwise. What was even more scary was the fact that Sen. John Kerry during his run for presidency new fraud had been committed, yet, even though he had gathered a panel of legal experts to challenge the election process, bowed out in the end with a whimper. Gore had one polling station in Florida count his votes in negatives with his final total at -16,022, yet he did not pursue a challenge of the election results. The trouble is they could not prove it without a doubt because the official paper records were corrupted. The question still remains, however, why have the Democrats not challenged this issue with more furvor?

Snug in the Autumn Den

On Continuing the Family Name

I am the last male Braids that could carry the family name on, but, alas, I have no boys. After our second was born my aunts cornered me at a family function and began interrogating me about having another. When I said Theo and I did not believe we would have any more children they voiced the fact that I was the last able male to carry on the family name and that it would be a shame if the Braids name were to come to an end. I remember my response very well as we stood holding our styrofoam cups of coffee in the hall at Westminster Presbyterian Church where my uncles are Deacons. "The odds are that one of my two girls will be a lesbian and being that they are both strong-willed I would bet my life that either one would be the dominate female in the relationship guaranteeing any child they might have would wind up with my last name". It is a beautiful thing to watch grown women turn many different shades of red and fumble for words.

The Interview

Qualifications required were University degree and 2 years experience. Salary was dependent on experience. Duties included answering phones, filing, customer service and data input. With the skills and experience required I believed this was going to be a relatively good paying job. Say in the 30k/year area. I refer to the employer as EM.

EM: So, Mr. Braids, what do you think?

Me: I think I could fit in well here and I don't see any problems that would prevent me from quickly learning the routine.

EM: Great! Can you start next Monday?

Me: I can start right now if you want. Heh heh.

EM: Heh heh. Monday will be fine. We start at 8:30.

Me: Sounds great! Not that money is a real issue, but I was wondering what my wage would be.

EM: Well, we will start you off at $9.00/hr and after three months you will automatically get a raise.

Me: I see. And after three months the raise would be how much?

EM: Well, usually it is a full $.50 raise, but we can talk about that when the time arises.

Me: Oh hmmm. So you desired a University Degree for this job?

EM: Well, obviously it wasn't the most important issue since you haven't completed your degree, but you did indicate to us you would be finishing your degree at night school and you do offer the kind of experience we were looking for.

Me: Thats wonderful. Did you get a lot of applicants with degrees?

EM: Oh yes. We got a few.

Me: Sorry to go on, but I am just trying to understand this. You are going to pay me $9.00/hr based on my education and experience?

EM: Yes. That's correct.

Me: Well, after I pay for daycare that should leave me making about $1.50 an hour so I really hope I get that full $.50 raise after three months.

EM: I am sure we can work something out.

Me: I was being sarcastic.

Repitition (The Rut Song)

Dropping some change in the wishing well
With serious thoughts that I cannot quell
My mind lingers and dwells
On serious thoughts that I cannot quell

Well wishing for some change
On matters to some that may seem strange
These formless patterns I rearrange
These formless patterns seem so strange

I dwell on thoughts that linger long
Dropping like bricks where they don't belong
Serious thoughts that are much too strong
Making me question where I belong

Lingering long on these thoughts I dwell
Formless thoughts contained in a shell
I drop more change in the wishing well
With hopes one brick might crack the shell.

Botox

Wow, no youtube posting this time. You gotta admit youtube is a great site. It has just about anything you could think of. I digress. Botox. I opened up my servers homepage and am greeted with "Botox For Beginners". Society places way too much emphasis on appearance, but to actually poison yourself (botox contains the same toxins found in food poisoning) defies logic. If you want to have a younger than your years appearance why not exercise a little. But more pointedly, why not grow old gracefully. The image that women have to live up to (and men which is gaining steam)is an impossibility. The image is unattainable unless you starve yourself, poison your face, get your breasts done and get lyposuction which is what the industry wants you to do. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all accept that different is beautiful? Personally, I find the altered woman unattractive at best. Moreover, the desire to cosmetically alter ones appearance is an admittal of dissatisfaction with ones self. It is not an external cureall, but rather an internal psychological problem with the belief that fixing any percieved external flaw one can cure the inner self. Of course, the reality is that unless one can accept themselves for who they are they will never gain the happiness they long for. Also, that this article was given a prominent place on the page is dissapointing. That such a technique is now considered mainstream news is a sad indictment not only on our media, but society as well. Thats my take on it.

I have just discovered Lou Barlow and I am digging his work. This is one of his side projects (post Dinosaur Jr.) Folk Implosion. BTW, Barlow does the art work for the video too.

I love this world. We are so messed up.

How's Everything Here?

Theo and I dined out at our favourite restaurant last night before going to the doctors. Our waitress smiled, laughed at my dumb jokes and was timely on her routine look-ins. She was very attractive, had a beautiful smile and was very friendly. I couldn't stand her. Our usual waitress would be considered unattractive (frumpy) by most peoples standards, but really, what has that got to do with quality of service? The difference between the two is sincerity. I detest feeling humoured by a person and the friendly phoney interaction that must be tolerated for as long as you are thrown into a situation together. These situations usually send me into "fuck you" mode. When last nights waitress would come to our table I would be short in hopes she would piss off and leave Theo and I to our own amusements. With our usual waitress we wind up chatting for as much time as she can spare. We are planning to take our kids together to public swims on Saturday afternoons. I guess it comes down to my preference for people who can remain themselves whether at work or home vs those who take on a persona to fill the notion of a stereotyped role.

A Little Time On Our Own

Theo and I left the kids with their grandparents last night so we could go to the walk-in clinic. We both have sinus infections (hers is worse) while I also have an ear infection. What a crazy virus this turned out to be. Many of the people that have contracted it have had to go on antibiotics. We had a long wait before the doctor could see us so we just sat together and talked. You can forget why you love each other so much when you don't get any time alone. I made Theo laugh most of our wait and that fills me with happiness. I am a lucky man.

Dandy Bohemians

I can't help myself. I love this song.


The Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You

Another Installment of Lynn Valley trail

Ming Ming and Linny

These two servants of the animal kingdom traverse the globe in exciting ways (ie. homemade ballon, sailboats made from soap dishes) so they may, against fierce obstacles, save the day for animals in distress. Do not miss an episode as our daring heroes free giraffe's from electrical wires, help zebra's search for their missing white stripes or unhinge cages entrapping friendly repressed monkeys.