The Davinci Code

Theo's family came for another visit on Friday and as usual a good time was had by all. I let them drag us to Tillsonburg to see the The DaVinci Code being the good host that I am. Besides, if McKellan, Bettany, Tautou, Reno, Molina are in it, it couldn't be that bad. I expected the worst and although it is not a film in my top 100 I can't say it was all that bad. What I do really enjoy about this film/book is the debate it has created. I love anything that makes religious zealots squirm and pound their chests in attempts to defend their faith. My way of thinking is: if you are a spiritual person you would never think of defending your ideals. Your sense of spiritual being is what it is. No amount of arguing is going to change that and being a spiritual person you would know that no amount of arguing is going to change someone else. Arguing about your faith is a sign of weakness in your spiritual makeup. It is a need in yourself to continue to reinforce your concepts of faith, or, moreover, to fill the holes in that concept. I find most religious orders help breed a sense of superiority, hence religious wars. The Muslim believes the Christian an infidel while the Christian believes the Muslim a heathen etc... I have always marveled at how people so zealously defend their faiths especially when one takes into consideration that their faith is most likely arrived at by their geography. I mean the ratio of conversions in the hotbed of any religious order is next to none. Instead of an acceptance that most religions have one central all-powerful being, the world revels in the opportunity to cling to the differences which in turn alienates creating sides thus creating friction. Most religions preach love for humanity, yet wars are fought over religion. I marvel at our blindness. Our sheepish unyeilding march towards spiritual poverty.

Titanic

The movie "Titanic" was on this afternoon. If I remember correctly it won an academy award for best film. It is, to my way of thinking, one of the worst movies ever made mostly due to poor direction. I tend to judge a director more harshly than I do actors for it is he/she who can control the performances. Travolta in "Pulp Fiction' was amazing, yet he sucks in most of his other films. A good director can take a bad to mediocre actor and get a great performance out of them while, conversely, a bad director can take a good actor and make them look ordinary. Theo was watching "Titanic" today when Rain entered the room and began watching with her. Theo thought that the film had some historical merit and so allowed Rain to watch it with her. A scene near the end of the movie has Kate Winslet foolishly declining a seat on a lifeboat to remain with Leonardo DeCaprio. She runs into his arms while he admonishes her "Rose, you're so stupid. So stupid" while he showers her in teary-eyed kisses. It is at this point that Rain looks at Theo and says "Now that is some really bad acting". Cassidy takes this all in and grabs Theo by her face and says "Mommy, you're so stupid" and showers her in kisses. She knows she is being very funny. When two children ages 4 and 7 can identify movie tripe you have to wonder who is voting on the Academy board.

Incompetent Bell Update

After further review Bell has established that they were in fact in error. They were also pleased to inform me that they owed me money and would be applying a $207.00 credit to my present account. This just days after a collections agency threatened to ruin my credit rating after being told I missed the three month window to appeal the charges even though I just found out about them three weeks ago. I believe Gilliam could have used this material in "Brazil".

The Royal Daulton Collection

Theo's parents, George and Steffi, often come together when they visit us which is interesting in that they have quite a turbulent history of 16 years years together before they divorced some 25 years ago. Also along for the 1 1/2 hour trip from Toronto to Port Dover is her fathers second wife, Theresa (pronounced Tedessa) who is an awesome person. George is an engineer who has next to no social skills. If he had not seen you for a lengthy period he might say something to the effect of "Hey, man. What happened? You got so fat." Steffi is very superficial with most of her conversations revolving around people who have lots of money, movie stars or shopping. Theresa is very down to earth, thoughtful and a joy to be around. The three of them were sitting at my kitchen table recently. Steffi and George have Bulgarian accents while Theresa is Peruvian.
Steffi: When I retired the staff gave me these beautiful Royal Daulton figures. I mean they are just to die for. Anyways, I read in the paper that Michael Daulton was going to be in-store and would personally sign any figure you purchased that day, but I thought why not bring my new figures and try to get him to sign them. So I went and got in line and when I met him, he is a very nice man and very classy you know. You know how some people pretend to be nice, but he wasn't pretending. He asked me where I was from and he has been to Sophia. Anyways, I asked Michael to sign my figurines even though I did not buy them that day and told him they were a present for my retirement from my staff and he was so nice and he signed them. It was very nice of him because he didn't have to sign them because you were supposed to buy something, but I thought it was worth a try. You know, why not?

George: Wow, that's terrific Feffe (his pet name for Steffi). So you met Michael Bolton

Steffi: Zjorro (her pet name for George) it was Michael Daulton not Michael Bolton.

George: Oh come on man. Michael Bolton signed your statues. That's great man.

Theresa: Oh George (sigh)

Steffi: It was not Michael Bolton. Honestly Zjorro are you that.... It was Michael Daulton who is owner of Royal Daulton.

I don't say a word. I just hide my smile and try not to laugh out loud. When I look over I can see that Steffi desperately wants to call George stupid, but just as she is about to she remembers his wife is sitting next to him. I can see her smoldering as she battles the strong compulsion to lay into him. George lives to upset people and his 16 years with Steffi makes him an expert on pulling her chain. Theresa is smiling and calm, but secretly she loves watching the two of them getting on each others nerves. George will later piss off my step-father enough that he confides to me later what an asshole George is. George will also dismiss the death of my brother as inconsequential, but I don't get upset with him anymore. After 14 years I can laugh at his lack of diplomacy and have learned that by turning the tables on him I can get him very upset. The family dynamic is a beautiful thing. Oddly enough, I love every one of them and wouldn't trade them for the world.

Hagersville Station Grain and Feed Restaurant

Last night Theo and I took Rain to a play performed from students at the local Elementary school called "The Case of the Wolf vs. the Three Little Pigs". It was a musical set to 50's music "Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip muh muh muh muh muh muh muh muh daduh sha na na na sha na na na na" which pitted the Big Bad Wolf against the Three Little Pigs in a courtroom. Hogney Dangerfield was the prosecution lawyer and the standout of the play "Pigs get no respect. Pigs get no respect. Put any old dog in a movie and they win an academy award. Put a pig on stage and they call him a ham". Prior to the play we took the opportunity to experience some of the local cuisine, hence the name of this posting. Now, we should have known right away from the restaurants name what we were getting ourselves into, but we were hungry and the choices slim. We entered and took a booth near the door and sat waiting for our waiter. And we waited. And we waited. And we waited. There was one other table; an older couple and they waited also. After a few minutes a waitress appeared with heaping mounds of ribs, potatoes and vegetables (it was a daunting amount of food) which she dispatched to the waiting couple and then made her way over to us. We asked for menus and were told they really don't have menus and she proceeded to peel of the items available. Chicken nuggets and fries were Rain choices while Theo and I could choose between ribs, steak, roast beef dinner or burgers. Theo went with the roast beef (a la yorkshire pudding) while I settled on the striploin. We were just ordering our drinks when Rain got my attention by directing my eyes to a number of red ants crawling on our table (Run away!!!). We decided to persevere and moved across the room. I was instructed upon receiving our beverages that my meal came with a salad and that the salad bar was around the corner. I headed for the meager fixings only to find no utensils to serve myself. Seconds later the waitress appeared and saw my dilemma and offered her apologies. She explained: "I am pretty new to this. The usual waitress always does this stuff, but she's drunk". "Drunk?" I asked. "Yep. Completely tanked" she replied. "Wow" I said. "Yep" she replied. "So much for dependable help I guess, eh" I said. "Oh she's here. She's in the kitchen. She's just too drunk to serve" she said. At this point I became relatively speechless. It was either shut up, nod and grin or laugh hysterically. We could not eat all the food they gave us. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be though the atmosphere (country music in the background) was pretty frightening. As I washed up after dinner in the facilities I spied (I could not miss it in its enormity) a framed wall hanging in what appeared to be inked onto a sheet of fleece. The scene was a sleigh being pulled by three horses with two voyageur looking men riding inside. They were being chased by what appeared to be a pack of wolves through the forest. One voyageur had a giant hoop earring (bigger than his ear) while the other sported a beard and a rifle. You can not buy experiences like this. They just happen when the planets are properly aligned. Although I know I shouldn't, I have to bring people to this place just to screw their heads up.

Caledonia

The protest by Six Nations people in Caledonia seems to be getting a lot of flack from the media to say nothing of the townsfolk. Some facts on the matter:
1) The Den Mothers began the peaceful protest
2) Whites have alluded to the fact that the band coucil does not back protest. What they fail to notice is that the coucil was formed by the government and is not recognized by the Six Nations people.
3) Warriors were not present at the protest until the Den Mothers were threatened by the townspeople.
4) The 500 white protesters that stormed the police barricade flung racial slurs and threats of violence towards the Den Mothers. Hence, the presence of the Warriors.
5) This land dispute has been in the courts for 12 years, yet this parcel of land has been allowed to be sold.
6) This is a peaceful demonstration by Six Nations. Any violent outbreaks will be initiated by whites.
7) The Den Mothers have banned any criminal element from the demonstration and insist on peaceful demonstration unless violence is committed upon them.
8) If the government were actually concerned about this issue they would fast-track the legal process.
9) The residents of Caledonia seem quite content to form their opinions on misinformation and propaganda.
10) Most likely this will end up badly.

The New and Improved Incompetent Bell Canada

I received a notice from a collections agency last week stating I had better pay such-and-such amount to Bell Canada for an account in arrears from last year at my old address. Believing I was finished with the old account and everything was square I had them send me the bills for the time in question to investigate the matter. What I found was that they were trying to bill me once again for a modem that was not returned which of course had been returned. I spent a good five hours of my time on the phone to Bell last summer trying to sort their mess out for them and by the end was assured everything was hunky-dory. Today I got to spend another hour of my time straightening out the re-created mess with another session coming Monday morning. This time I was in no mood for their attempts at niceties. Comments I made were: A) I have never seen such incompetence other than the Toronto Maple Leafs front office of which your company is a sponsor B) Maybe if you had a meal program the chimpanzees wouldn't make so many mistakes C) If your accounts people have this much time on their hands that they can dredge up old files that have been cleared perhaps they should be donating some time to charities D) Taking a village idiot onboard is kindhearted. Taking every idiot from every village is going a little too far.
There were others, however, I am proud to say, I used no profane language. It started off as a real bother, but by the end I was quite enjoying myself.

The Musical Mind

I can go through dry spells in my music where I pick up the guitar and the same songs keep coming out. These dry spells can be quite lengthy and even when you sit down to strum with the intention of doing something new, nothing comes out and you find yourself returning to the songs of your past. But, there are those moments when I sit down to play when my mind lets my fingers roam to new places and out comes a melody entirely new. Part of my love for movies comes from their ability to trigger in me the creative spark. A while back I watched the movie "Code 46" with Tim Robbins and Samantha Morton and the music near the end of the film really got me in a tizzy. I sat down and wrote some of my best lyrics ever and was on a roll over the next few days where I wrote a number of songs. Most of the songs I write I will forget over a period of time, but some have staying power. This new batch will have to stand the test of time.

Drive-by at the House of the Lord

I was driving by a church this morning that had one of those portable billboards standing in front of it. It read: "The Lord accepts all kinds of worship". So I said "Yo Je, nice package".

World at War

I was just watching a movie of short films put together dealing with the events of 9/11/01. It is horrifying to watch those people jumping out of windows, flailing away as they rush towards the earth. Horrifying to think of those passengers aboard the planes that crashed and the terror they felt. It made me think about others in this world who live in terror. From those people who quest for enough food to survive another day, to car bombings in Israel to shells falling in Palestine, people devasted by natural disasters. Natural disasters aside, the other events are mostly man-made and made me think about who the real enemy is. People killing in the name of religion, for power, for oil, ethnic cleansing. The real enemies of this world who see human sacrifice or the sacrifice of the environment as a justifiable cost in their pursuit of their goals. How I wish people could see the real villains of the world and unite against them. Take up arms against the multi-nationals and crooked governments and tyrants of the world. You want to prevent another 9/11? The root of that evil, as are others, is easily seen if you look. Until then, innocent people will continue to die while others make their fortunes. Where are you Rainbow Warriors?

Turkey Anyone?

Saw one of these guys closeup this morning chowing down some road kill. As ugly as they might appear, they are very graceful fliers and skilled hunters that work very well together.

Who'd a Thunk It

Who'd a thunk I would have wound up with such a beautiful wife and have two beautiful girls with her. Have a lovely home in a picturesque little town. Nearing completion of a University degree and soon to be a teacher. Who'd a thunk it of "ol Rich? My wife and kids for starters. Obviously I do. Thats all I need.

Recipe for a Nature Treat

Take one kitchen window overlooking deck. Add a shrub just under the window. Add two cardinals; one male and one female. Have the male sit across from you and look curiously at his surroundings. Have the female sit under the window within two feet of you on shrub and eat buds. Be amazed at the colourings of both birds and the novelty of having the couple together in plain sight. Be thankful.

Gotta Love the Country Music

The custodian at Theo's school likes to pump out country music at the end of the day through the P.A. system. Walking down the hall yesterday afternoon towards the staffroom I heard these lovely lyrics wafting through the air:

We got cowboys, we got truckers
Broken-hearted fools and suckers

I could not help thinking as I walked through the halls of an academic institution that this lyricist could have used a little more attention in the classroom and a little less time learning how to make beef jerkey. I was reminded of that joke about what happens when you play country music backwords----> you get your house back, your wife back, you find your truck, your dog comes back to life and there are no tears in anyones beers.

You Idiots

Why the hell would you vote Bush into office a second time you dumbass Americans. Seriously, do you take a look at the reality of whats being created by getting your source of news from Fox and CNN? Who owns these "News" stations and who gives huge amounts of cash to politicians? "Uhhh the same people?" It is one thing to be patriotic and entirely another thing to be zealots blinded by patriotism to the point where it becomes an effective tool to dupe the masses into backing immoral (unchristian) wars. And if you are going to blame these opinions (as many have of others of the ilk) don't even try with the "jealousy" copout. Believe me when I say the rest of the western world is quite content with their way of life and harbour no desires to be the "greatest" country in the world. Understand this; if you were English then England would be the best country in the world. If you were French then France would be the best country in the world. etc... You get it?

Nukes

This is why your forefathers wanted the seperation of church and state. They foresaw religion as a cause of destruction (which is entirely accurate). This is heaven right here pals. Earth. Don't fuck it up!

Settling In

Theo has an Ed. assistant for her program named Helen who is just the nicest person. The two of them get along famously and have fast become friends. Yesterday Helen held a scrapbooking party *cringe* at her home to which Theo was invited. Having my parents back from Arizona (hurrah) we left the kids with them and off to Cheapside we went. While the hens scrapped and ate chocolate, Helens' husband Brian decided it was time he and I looked at some tools. He drove me to three different tool stores in search of a portable planer. There is a part of me that finds the whole thing comical (the manly search of tools, the womanly pursuit of bordering pictures with frilly things) yet, Theo and I enjoyed ourselves and the company we were in. We also spied a house nearby that was for sale which got our wheels turning. Since we have grown accustomed to what life has to offer in these parts, we have been contemplating a move into the country where we could have more property to set up a greenhouse or two powered by wind and solar energy. Dreaming is free.

On another note, I happen to play Counter-strike:Source and often play on a server that carries a specialized tournament called "gun-game". Last night I played and was rewarded with my first victory. I am now ranked 45 out of 1067 players which I take pride in being that my reflexes are no longer as sharp as they were when I was 20 which is around the average age of players.

Ten Things You Probably Don't Know About Me

1) I am often a walking parody of the world around me.

2) I will never win a popularity contest. If there was a contest for "People that people love to hate" I would not be an underdog.

3) I believe my greatest accomplishment is being a father and a good one at that.

4) Of the few people who know me it is the consensus that I will most likely never grow up.

5) I am very lazy when unmotivated / hyper-active when motivated (trouble is that I am rarely motivated)

6) As great a hockey player many thought I was, I was not very talented. They mistook my anger for skill.

7) I am very uncomfortable in large crowds.

8) Lines that have stuck with me through the years "Always a playground instructor, never a killer", "Quite capably murderous", "Imagine the odds".

9) I am horrible at being a phony. I realize it is a necessary social evil to wear our masks, but mine always slip, often with dire consequences.

10) I am now 40 years old and have begun to reminisce about my past. Next I will be putting the cat in the fridge and taking the milk outside.

Houston We Have Touchdown

An update on our lovely little robin. She managed to erect a nest after many failed attempts and has begun to nest. She has opted for the sportier nest design which incorporates tinsel, string, plastic bags along with the more conventional straw and mud. She also seems to enjoy the smoke from the barbecue (as long as it isn't chicken) and seems unfettered by us humans walking below her. I wonder if other robins in passing make comments on her home. "Yea, she may be pretty, but just look at that dive she lives in."

Symptons of a Sick World

Theo and I watched a CBC news program today which dealt with issues relating to cancer as an industry. It was a little horrifying to see the attitude displayed by pharmaceutical companies at a cancer drug convention. When a reporter asked of one of the convention goers "How's business?" the reply was "Excellent." Every booth that was approached had the same thing to report (a little more subdued, but beaming just the same) adding the sales pitch of course. Apparently there is no money to be made in the prevention of cancer, but, drugs to treat the disease are a multi-billion dollar money maker. With all the carcinogens floating around from air quality to livestock to agricultural pesticides to household cleaning products, cancer is on the increase, yet we are told to eat healthy, exercise and quit smoking. Do you not find it just a little condescending that we are told to live healthy, yet government controls so completely lack any teeth when it comes to placing limitations on big business and the products they market to us? Government for the people? The 1975 version of the movie "Rollerball" was on the other night. The premise is a futuristic arena where teams battle for corporate giants. It is a look at how controlled society has become by business and the ruse of government. It is unfortunate that a good portion of this world chooses to remain blind to the reality of how the world works or feel powerless to change that reality. As for cancer, it will in all likelihood continue to blossom into a revenue juggernaut and we will, being a captive participant, be forced into forking out our life savings and/or retirement at a chance to be cured of something that quite possibly could have been prevented.

Lump

I recently developed a lump between the lower abdomen above the pelvic bone which, though not painful, was causing me discomfort. Being a somewhat milder hypochondriac than my sibling, I was, nevertheless, having visions of ailing from the dreaded "Big C". Flashes of idiocy danced before my eyes; how so few people would attend my funeral, how those close to me would air out all our differences, how I would leave instructional videos for my kids on how to cope with a world of pitfalls. I had made an appointment to see my Doctor for the 10th of April, but, I had to know what this lump was. So, today I went to the Walk-in Clinic and was examined and given the prognosis "You have a hernia. I feel no lymphnode swelling. If it begins to bother you so much that it interferes with your way of life you can then opt for surgery." I about jumped off the table and kissed this man. There is nothing like a brush with death (real or imaginary) to put perspective on ones life. I have begun to eat healthier the last few weeks, have quit smoking again and have decided my new addiction will be exercise. No matter my relationships in life, I want to be around long enough to see my kids grown.

Pride

Rain has sewn together a little bunny which she has named Kelly. Its a little blue bunny with pink ears, belly and mouth, white nose and a little cottonball tail.

Rain: I made it for me, but Cassidy is trying to get it. I am going to leave it with you, Daddy. Its because your the funniest and best Dad in the whole world.

Dad: Oh my. What a great bunny. I can't believe you made this. What wonderful work, Rain.

Rain: You have to read me two stories at bedtime now. Now!

How could I argue?

Mother Nature Has a Sense of Humour Too

It is that time of year when the weather begins to warm up that birds begin to migrate back to us. There are numerous grackles, robins and the odd cardinal flittering about eyeing up possible nesting sites in preparation for mating season. A rafter of our back deck has been chosen by a very lovely robin who has some of the brightest markings I have ever seen of the species. She/he also possesses heavily white flecked rings around its eyes making its eyes seem larger than they really are. The robin is continually bringing dried grass to this spot in attempts of fashioning a groovy love pad, however, with every fresh load of grass 99% of the last batch goes overboard and onto the cover of our pool. It has been trying to build a nest for the last four days, yet every night I spy through our kitchen window to see of any progress made only to find dried grass floating on the pool cover or strewn across the floor of the deck. It has become a constant source of amusement for my family to watch the ineptitude of this robin and to comment on how Mother Nature has seen fit to gift us with a blonde robin.

Trees Lounge

Sit here in Trees LoungePour it in my mouthI Need something to forgetWhat got me in this messI'm feeling less and lessMy Judgement is not clear I do things that I fear,I would never doSit here in Trees LoungeOrder one more roundYou have a pretty name,Pretty like your nameLets play a drinking gameAnd If I win I get to,take you home and if you, win, you go home with meCause I need something to forget,what got me in this messFeeling less and lessMy judgement is not clear I do things that I fear,I would never do

--Hayden--

Where were you when I was in my early twenties? I could have used a little perspective.

A Day at the Beach

We drove the half-hour to Port Rowan to a pizza place and had lunch before making our way to Long Point. A bird sanctuary, village and Ontario Park, Long Point boasts some of the nicest beaches in Ontario.

We follow a path strewn with needles through the piney woods towards the sandy dunes of Long Point. We are all smiles with a bounce to our step. Rain and I find deer tracks (a doe and her fawn) and we follow them until the sand is unsheltered and the wind has reshuffled the grains smooth once again. The sound of ring-billed gulls is heard over the surf and wind creating that illusion of summertime when their shrill voices fight over the greasy fastfood feast left by sunburnt sunbathers. Trees have there branches swaying in the breeze and appear to want to bud once again in the not so distant future. A couple sit on a bench back from the beach and look to be cooing at each other; holding hands, smiling and planting the odd kiss. Theo begins scouring for stones for her next project and Rain collects shells. Cassidy digs in the sand until her hands become too wet which chills them. She runs to me to warm them up by blowing on them and rubbing them. Rain and Cassidy climb a dune and roll down it over and over while I spy a log half buried in the sand where I lay down to soak up the sun. Theo is still searching for stones. I fall into a reverie feeling calm and peaceful. The world is a beautiful place and I feel we are in paradise. I get up and look around. Theo is still at work and the girls are out of sight. I walk up a dune and call for them. No answer. I call a little louder and Rain responds, but no Cassidy. I call out very loudly and still no answer. I frantically search the landscape to no avail. I begin to panic, but force myself to remain calm. Rain begins to search for her and Theo finally realizes the situation and begins to help search for Cassidy. The trees are leafless and dead looking. There are plastic bags hanging from branches in shreds from the winter wind. Other people out on a Sunday stroll all are all evil doers just waiting to snatch my child away. I remember seeing a scruffy looking couple earlier in our walk and wonder if they have run off with Cassidy. He looked like some deadbeat biker with his dyed blonde bimbo who was trying to hang onto the last vestiges of a youth long gone. Theo spots Cassidy and I can breath again. "We're going home" I say. I berate Cassidy for going too far away from her family, but this is just my fear in its death throes. I am relieved and happy to be on the piney path once again, sheltered from the harsh open world.

100th Post!

This is my 100th posting since Dec. '02.

The Life of Pi


Written by Yan Martel, this book is a must read. I enjoyed it so much that I will read it again (and perhaps again and again). A look at the capably savage human being under duress that left me, after I pieced it together, in awe. There are many great contemporary books out there, but this is an instant classic.

Walter

Rain: Guess what daddy?

Dad: What?

Rain: Walter loves me. Nolan told me because Walter was too scared.

Dad: Oh my. And who is Walter.

Rain: This guy. Nolan makes me laugh alot. He put his foot in a garbage can and was pretending to fall saying "Whooaaaaaa".

Dad: He sounds like a real funny guy.

Rain: He is. I don't have to love Walter do I?

Dad: No, but it never hurts to be nice and be friends. Besides, there are many different ways to be in love. There is love like I have for your mom or for you, Cassidy or Micmac. I loved my old van. I love our swimming pool.

Rain: Well, maybe I can love Walter like the swimming pool.

Dad: Sounds good.

And so the boy trouble begins already. This is going to age me for sure.

Uncle June

My wife grew up in Toronto knowing her mothers close friends as her aunt Nannette and Uncle June. June was an OB so when Theo became pregnant we of course turned to June. He was so easy going and confident and made us feel so secure in his abilities. When one particular nurse began giving Theo a hard time June was there to put her in her place and made sure Theo got the highest level of care. We knew he would never allow anything bad to happen to Theo. Although we had our second with a close friend who was a midwife, it was not a reflection of our confidence of June. At that time his health was a question and we did not want another OB to replace him, especially when it was time for the birth. He helped us through a tough birth for our first daughter and for that we will always feel indebted to him. Uncle June, your grace, kind-heartedness, skill, humour and easy-going manner will be missed. Thank you so much. May you find your way easily and peacefully.

The Case of the Cursed Curry

I made roti last night. Pureed chick peas with potato, chicken and vegetable(s) (I like peas) spiced with curry. Today I feel absolutely hellish. Why does something that tastes so good with healthy ingredients make me feel like my intestines are experiencing a severe tornado.

Our Weekend in Ottawa (Winterlude)

Went to Ottawa the weekend before last. Theo's brother lives in Aylmer so we go down every Feb. with his son (who lives with his mom in Toronto) for Winterlude. This year we also went with Theo's dad so we rented a van for the drive down so we could all fit together nice and cozy at a not so nice and cozy cost (as if I had any choice in the matter where Theo and her father are concerned). What a catastrophe. When it was just me and the girls it was a lot of fun, but where Theo's family was concerned it was hellish. My bro-in-laws girlfriend turned into this giant freak who was completely intolerent, bitchy and domineering in a passive/agressive way. She tried to lecture me on how to raise my children as if she were some great authority (if you met her kids you would understand). She put onions in meals (I have a real hard time with onions and sometimes get sick) and said she did not. She treated my oldest like she was a spoiled princess who could be righted by her wisdom. My bro-in-law pretty much abandoned us (except for meals) to play computer games with his son. When we got home I told Theo that when it comes time to go to Aylmer again next year that I hope she has a great time while the kids and I go to Arizona or somewhere warm.

D & D's Diner

This little restaurant we had passed numerous times finally called out to us a few weeks ago. The service was good, the place was "nice" (frilly and filled with teddybears and hearts and other vomitous debris) and the food was.....ah....mediocre at best, but the kids liked it enough. We had a nice four seater table right next to the gas fireplace. A few nights ago we decided to stop in again and give it another try. I had the pickerel/shrimp platter with fries and slaw and a pepsi, Theo had a Mexican dish which was very hard to screw up and the girls had chicken and fries. The pickerel was bland and greasy, the shrimp was scary, and the fries were surely meant for one of the local pig farmers. I dared order dessert feeling they had to get something right, yet felt sure this would also end badly, so I ordered lemon meringue pie being the optimist. I had to peel the top layer of meringue off as it was rubber and the filling was far too tart and sweet while the crust was soggy. And now I will always associate the D & D Diner with the phrase "They did not once disappoint to disappoint me". I could honestly say the pepsi was the best part of that meal.

Rain Girl Makes Me Beam

I went to Rains school today to watch her do her speach. I forgot they have orals for primary kids too. She had to go first and took a few seconds and a lot of smiling and nodding from myself and her teacher to get going, but once she opened her mouth the words came out eloquently. I could not stop smiling at her. Even after she sat down and other children told their stories I kept looking over at her beaming like a mad idiot. She fidgeted and sucked her cheeks in and made fish faces. Later in the day we went to pick up Theo from school so for the drive I bought the girls a discman and two sets of headphones so they could listen to what they want. Its so cute watching them when Bohemian Rhapsody plays (one of their fave songs). Rain gets a far away look like the song is reaching her on a very deep level while Cassidy sings Galileo Galileo as Gowwawayo Gowwawayo. Tonight the song "Birdhouse in Your Soul" by They Might Be Giants was playing and they were both singing louder than I am sure they realized. The one lyric goes "Not to put too fine a pine on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet..." which Rain sings as "Not to put too fine a pine on it, say I'm the only bee you're a butthead..." Someday I will show her the real lyrics, but for now I will continue to use it as a constant happy pill.

Prayer of the Smoker or Thoughts On Watching Folks Flick Their Butts Everywhere

The world is my ashtray. I shall want.

Trip to Toronto

Went to visit some friends who were visiting Toronto from Sioux Lookout over the weekend. It was really nice to see them after so long. When you don't see a friend in roughly two years its surprising how much they change. I guess as we begin to age a little quicker it becomes more noticeable. We crashed at my sisters and husbands place later and had breakfast with them. Sis made banana and almond butter sandwiches which were actually pretty delicious. We then headed to Kids Sport to meet up with another couple and their kids for a play date before heading back to Dover. On the way out of Toronto as I approached the North Service Road to gain entry onto the 403, I began to accelerate through a green light when this person just cut right in front of me. They were coming from the south and turning west as I heading southward. I have no idea why this person tried to make the turn in conditions which were actually quite bad (freezing rain/sleet) making road conditions very slippery. In any case, I was forced to brake suddenly while trying not to hit the car next to me and could see that there was no way I could avoid hitting this person. As I braced for impact and listened to Theo say "Oh no. Oh my God" and caught a quick glimpse of the kids I thought we would be ok as the speed was not high enough to do huge damage. And by some twist of fate, after that eternity of waiting for contact, we were lucky enough to get away with a small "thunck". I pulled the car over and made sure everyone was ok and then exited the vehicle to assess the damage. No visible damage. And then I looked for the other driver and spied him/her/them driving away. The contact was audible and there was no doubt about impact, yet off they went. I tried to get the plate number, but they were too far away. Sure I am happy that it was not serious, but at that moment I could have killed that person. What kind of person drives away? I had my wife and two girls in the car with me and that coward drove away. All that person had to do was come over and apologize and I would have been cool with the whole thing. These things happen after all. But, to just drive away.... If ever I meet you there will be another hit and run. You will hit my fist with your face several times before I allow you to run away like the no-good coward you are. Why are people so damn stupid?

Cassidy vs. Daddy

The scene is Daddy walking into Cassidy's room which she has trashed totally.

Daddy: What the heck is going on in here? This is terrible. Clean this mess up now or you are going to get big trouble from daddy!

Cassidy: NO DADDY YOU GAT DA FACK AWAYED FROM Hered.

Not so good.

Nightmare on Rain St.

Rain related a nightmare she had last night. She was very dramatic.
Rain: "A boat full of people were being thrown off into the water where they were being eaten by giant anacondas. One anaconda yelled 'We are here to F-E-S-T all of you."

Theo: Do you mean f-e-a-s-t feast?

Rain: Oh *Shrugs shoulders and walks away*

The National Playlist

Props to Jian Ghomeshi and his CBC1 radio program

http://www.cbc.ca/nationalplaylist/index.html

I love to hear people discussing music and I especially love being introduced to new artists, but... please Jian, no more Michael Jackson or disco music please. It died for a reason.

As a Favour to Me (As a Favour to the World)

Please do not judge my stupidity as a sign of a weak intellect.

The Kid From Brooklyn

Every once in a blue moon you come upon one of those rare treasures on the net. Go to the following site and watch the mans videos. This guy totally cracks me up while at the same time reaffirms that it takes all kinds.

http://www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com/

Brilliant!

Vince Carter

When he played for the Raptors Chuck Swersky would say of Vince (Air Canada) Carter after a great play "Half man, half amazing". The guy is that talented a ball player that you could say Swersky nailed it. However, after watching him hit the last second three-point shot to defeat the Raptors today I could not help being irate and desiring to hit this "man" over the head with a basketball hoop repeatedly. This is a person who tanked his play on purpose to get the team to trade him. This is a person who says all the rights things, but is completely hollow. This is a person who screwed the people of Toronto (Canada) so he could get his. The same case could be made of his cousin Tracy McGrady. It seems to be a family trait. Lots of talent without any honour. I would wager that New Jersey Nets fans will eventually get the same treatment Raptors fan received. I find it sad that the NBA would allow such happenings. How it can condone a person purposely tanking his performance in order to pressure the team into making a trade is beyond reason. I believe the NBA as a whole is predjudiced towards Canada and will always make Toronto a bottom-feeder where has-been players wind their careers out or where talented players bolt as soon as their contracts are fulfilled or (as in the case of Carter) tank their effort to push the team into bad trades. In any case, Carter may be a star quality player, but he is also a dishonourable playa'.

New Years Eve

This was the nicest New Years Eve I have ever spent. Me,Theo, Rain and Cassidy sat at the kitchen table and had icecream cones. Then we had party poppers which had tissue paper crowns, a joke and a little toy inside each one. We then told each other our resolutions for the new year. Rain said she was going to try being less pushy. I said I was going to eat more fruits and vegetables. Theo promised to workout at least three times a week. Cassidy's resolution was, in her carefully chosen words, "icecream". We then set out pillows and blankets and sat by the fire. We stayed up until midnight and wished each other a Happy New Year and then curled up in our blankets next to the fire and fell asleep. No hangover.

Theo and Friends

Our friends came from Toronto for a visit the other day. Lots of kids with high-pitched squeals to be heard at every turn. They loved it. After our friend Kay had asked me to untie a bottle of ginger ale she proceeded to have a conversation with Theo and Bella.
Kay: So what did Santa bring?
Theo: I don't know.
Bella: What do you mean you don't know?
Theo: I don't remember.
Kay: You know who Santa is, right?
Theo: Of course I do. He's the fat guy who lives at the North Pole.
*Laughing*
Kay: No, Theo, you are Santa.
Theo: What are you saying? Are you saying that I'm fat?
And I pretty much chuckled through the rest of the evening.

Boxing Day in Toronto

I cannot believe the news of innocent people shopping the boxing day sales in Toronto's downtown Yonge St. area being caught in the crossfire of bullets which shot six people one of whom died. The death was a fifteen year old girl out shopping with her parents. I feel such rage at the cowards who have done this that I feel quite capably murderous. I think of the girls parents who witnessed their daughter being murdered and feel so much sadness and compassion for them. I have two girls and I do not know what I would do if I lost one of them, especially in such a senseless way. To have to witness her death would be utter despair. A wound that will never heal. I have no trouble in meting out the death penalty for such a terrible crime. I fully do not know what to say about this hideous action. I am shocked, angry and saddened. Words cannot describe this fully.

60 Minutes

I used to look forward to watching the program every Sunday. I watched it tonight and was thinking about the last time they actually ran a story that investigated something with teeth. Tonight they ran pieces on the New Beirut, the Moken people who survived the sunami and Tina Turner. The Beirut piece added fuel to the American fire that the Middle East is unstable in all the Arab world. The Moken people had potential, but they took the low road and missed pursuing the real story. Tina Turner? Respect her, but she is on 60 minutes bi-annually. Every time I tune into the program I seem to catch some story about a pro football athlete or the hardships one man overcame to mate insects. Human interest stories of a light caliber seem to be the only fodder the program can run now. Missing are those stories bringing to light companies polluting waterways with DDT or how Coca-Cola killed 6 workers in Central America to prevent the workers from unionizing. Gone are the stories of how politicians covered up illegal arms shipments or waged wars on false pretenses. 60 Minutes has become much like the reporters who do the stories; geriatric, ineffective and beaten down by the system that feeds them. You sold out 60 Minutes. End it now so you leave some semblance of self-respect.

Christmas With TTFM

My Dad has driven down to be with us for Christmas. His moniker is TTFM which stands for Tommy Too Much. You can try to guess what the F stands for all on your own. Tonight while we were dining with Pops and the in-laws our neighbour Dave popped in dressed as Santa. Dave does this every year to all the houses with kids in the area. He gets home from Mass, dresses up and drops in on the neighbours to give the kids "magic cookies" that help the kids sleep (just ginger cookies that look like reindeer) and listens to what they want for xmas and tells them he's just checking that against his list. As Dave the Santa was leaving TTFM stops him and tells him a joke about Santa coming down the chimney and leaving gifts when he is surprised by a woman wearing a slinky outfit. The gist of the joke is that Santa can't get back up the chimney with his pole firmly fixed on the northerly direction and so stays awhile. And he tells this joke in the most animated way to a man dressed as Santa who just got out of Mass. Brilliant!

Siblings

I was thinking back to a particular Christmas when I was fourteen with a little sadness. You see, my sister had written on her present to our grandparents "To: Gramma and Granpa" and I couldn't help myself (been de anail speeling champeen what I am) in correcting her. I remember how I stood there full of joy, feeling proud of myself for catching her miscue. I of course realized later in life that she had done it on purpose, being the nine year old prodigy rebel that she was, but she did not have the heart to tell her older and less gifted brother at the time. I could not at that moment see she was just trying to be cute. Oh woe is me. If only she had told me of the error I might have avoided similar incidents that now haunt me such as:
My Uncle to his son----> "To: My loving Sun"
My Ex to her Mother---> "To: My dearest Muhma"
My Wife to her Brother---> "To: My darlin Brudda"
and so on and so forth. Oh the shame I harbour to this day makes this holiday a cold cold time for a pour misanthrope such as I.

P.S. I love you too you freakazoid.

Thanks For Your Response

I want to take a moment to thank a few of the people who have responded to me over the last few months. A big shout out to Medsonline, ErEcTus and Peepeegrowth. What they lack in content they make up for in volume.

Christmas Is Coming

This is from my little Rain girl. I can now love xmas again like I did as a child. Oh joy.

These People Must Die

I was driving home from dropping my youngest at nursery school listening to the radio when I heard this advert for this Impaired Driving help. They are like XCopper and the like; helping to get you off charges or out of tickets or at least reduce fines and/or sentences. Look, if you get nailed for impaired you deserve whats coming to you. I can't believe these freaks are allowed to run this type of company. There was a case last fall in these parts where a young woman was hit by a drunk driver on the highway outside of town. The guy was so drunk he didn't realize he had hit her. The mother called the police that evening about her missing daughter, but they had no luck in finding her and had to wait to file for a missing person for the required time. The mother knew the route her daughter would have taken so she drove slowly along the shoulder of the road. About 5km down the road she saw a shoe laying on the shoulder. She stopped to investigate and saw it was the same type her daughter wore. She then looked in the field nearby and found her daughter. She had bled to death. If the drunk would have realized what he had done he might have been able to save her. Now tell me you can condone such a program. Every time a drunk gets behind the wheel it should be classified as attempted manslaughter or at the very least attempted assault with a weapon to cause bodily harm.

I Still Got It

I recently took my wife out for dinner at a restaurant in Simcoe. It was contained in an older home and was resplendent with its original woodwork and flooring. The restaurant was divided into two sections with the dining room contained in the older part of the house and a pub which was contained in an addition. Having left my credit card at home and with insufficient cash I was forced to pay by interact which meant I had to follow the waiter into the pub side. As we walked into the pub I did the quick glance around the room and a table on my right caught my eye. It contained four women, one of which was tugging on her friends sleeve and nodding towards me. It has been some time since I last noticed I was being eyed by a women let alone four of them. I began the procedure to make the debit transaction when my wife walked over to join me. I believe she has this uncanny sense in being able to sniff out competitors. We got outside and I related to my wife what had transpired. We laughed about it and she told me she didn't blame them and that she wholeheartedly agreed with them, but she was the one who had me. We giggled a little more and then I opened the car door for her and waited for her to be seated before I closed it. As I walked around to my side of the car I checked to make sure that my fly wasn't down or if I had something sticking out of my nose. The coast was clear. I then wondered if these women were just really desperate and got excited over the appearance of any man who didn't look like a biker, a farmer or a drug dealer, these being the main selections on the menu as it were. And then I thought what the hell did I care either way. I was in love with a very beautiful woman who was very in love with me. She still makes me sigh and smile at how lucky I am to be with such beauty every day. I know I know. You didn't figure me for a gusher did you.

On A Positive Note

We all have the ability to touch anothers life for the better, yet so often we find excuses not to. Perhaps we should all follow the Boyscout/Girl Guide philosophy of deliberatley doing at least one good deed a day. Life can be frustrating and we all too often choose to allow ourselves to get caught up in the negativity of others as a way of lashing out at those frustrations. Yet, this is a choice one makes. It is entirely up to each individual as to how they will react to a situation. The next time you are about to lash out at someone or react negatively to anothers attempts to sideline the good in you, stop for that split second and ask yourself if any good will come of it. Stop and think about where a negative reaction will most likely take you and weigh that against reacting in a positive way to the situation. Then again, why would you listen to me. I am no Guru. I am sure you have already figured this out long before my simplistic sermon. Amen to that brothers and sisiters.

A Comment Borne From The Sidebar

I was re-reading the note written under "About Me" on my sidebar. The part that reads "...the ramblings of a middle-aged man who has no real sense of the world around him." got me thinking. I wrote that in a playful manner with no real thought given to any depth or seriousness. But, today those words have leapt out at me for I believe them to be true. I really do not get the world around me for the most part. I am a terrible player with regards to the games people play. I cannot for the life of me understand how people can be nice to a person outwardly while inwardly they harbour ill will. I remain amazed at how a persons jealousy can spurn on acts of maliciousness. I am awed by the ability some people have of feeling righteous in doing ill to others. The ability to fool themselves. The belief that they are not responsible or accountable for their spiteful actions. In fact it often seems to me we celebrate people who do these things. Here is a thought for you: If you need to create a world around you that is akin to "Dangerous liaisons" perhaps you need to examine yourself more closely and solve whats eating away at you. The misdeeds we commit throughout our lives only serve to eat away at our dignity, conscience and happiness. Bad deed begets bad deed begets bad deed. I do not pretend to be completely above these things, but I have met too many people who seemed to get trapped in these paths of folly. And so you have it. The middle-aged man has rambled and most likely proved he is correct in relating to you that he truly has no real understanding of the world around him.

ASPOJD09QWE7T809WREUGIOJH

I just finished a piece I had as a draft and went to spellcheck it. Everything that was typed after the saved draft disappeared. FUCK!!!!!!!!

Haunted By My Absent-mindedness

I woke up the other morning from a dream (a very vivid dream) of a girlfriend from my past. Its coming on twenty years since we spent roughly nine months on our emotional rollercoaster. This was no kiddie ride; it was the corkscrew, the bluestreak, the Topgun of emotional rollercoasters. In the dream she was calling out to me for help. It seemed she was very alone and was regretting letting me go. My male ego seems to kick it up a notch in my dreams. When I awoke I went over the dream and then remembered the last time I had seen her. I was at York University taking my first course and was writing an essay for which I had only 30 minutes to pen. A couple of my classmates and myself went to the cafeteria downstairs to work. After about ten minutes I looked up to see her walk past our table and take a seat with a friend. At first I just thought it was an uncanny resemblance until after a few moments when she looked up from her table and nodded in my direction to her friend who in turn looked back towards me. I then knew it was her, but I didn't (couldn't) go say hello due to this paper I was writing. My friends left the table before me and I continued writing until the latest possible moment. I then ran up to the class to submit my paper which, coincidentally recieved the highest grade in the class (that ego again). I wholeheartedly meant to return to the cafeteria after class to say hello to her and enquire as to how she was, what she was doing etc... After handing in my essay I had to read a previous work out loud to the class as this prof. always had the top two essays orated. I get so flustered and nervous when it comes to public speaking that I was still edgy after class. My mind was still on public speaking when I got home and realized I had missed my opportunity to return to the cafeteria. What a fool I can be. I don't believe either of us has ever had closure on the relationship and I regret that lost opportunity. JZ, if you are out there, I just wanted to thank you. You showed me so many things about myself and even though the lows were difficult and very painful, the highs were sublime and some of my best memories. I am not bitter about the way you handled yourself at the end of our relationship and truly hope you found the happiness you deserve. As blind as some may think me to be, a part of me will always love you and hope the best for you.

Another Sault Ste. Marie Skill Put to the Test

Living in this county of 68,000 people makes snow removal a bigger problem than in major centres where they have more resources. We got a significant amount of snow today which made driving a little more difficult, but as a fellow Saultite intimated to me earlier in the day "This is no big deal for us northerners. These southerners are pussies." I most likely would not have used that terminology, but I can't say that I disagreed with her.

Crows

I just think they are the funkiest birds. They are given a bad rap in media, always portrayed in ominous ways, but really they are quite clever and known for their trickster qualities.

Bonsai Kittens

Hmmmm. I received another one of "those" emails. You know the ones. "Forward this email to everyone on your mailing list and you will receive big money from Bill Gates as Microsoft tracks this..." or (more pertinent to this commentary) "Pass this petition on to everyone you know. A Japanese man in New York is giving kittens muscle relaxants and then placing them into bottles where they are fed through a straw for the rest of their lives unable to clean themselves". As appalling as this may seem at first glance, any serious thought on the matter should definitely set off a few alarms to this being a hoax. Please, for your own well being, ignore chain mail letters. They will always make you look the part of the village idiot.

Colbert vs. Colbert

Watching the Colbert report last night I was impressed to see that Colbert faced off against himself on the issue of performance enhancing drugs in sports during his segment entitled "Formidable Opponent". Both Colberts' made stirring arguments to support their cause, but I believe it was Colbert defending the use who made out the best.
Colbert: I want to see my athletes clean and out there giving 110%
Colbert: Where do you think that extra 10% comes from

Baby Got Back

Well, I have returned. Not that anyone has missed me or anyone knows I have this blog. I am but a speck of blog in a blog blog world. I have been very fortunate this year. The biggest news being that we finally moved out of Toronto and bought a home in Port Dover. I love it here and am so relaxed. The girls are taking to it quite well too. Sunday, amidst all the snow, we took the girls out to toboggan at the end of our street. Along the way we ran into our neighbours two girls (Autumn and Kiki) and brought them along. It is so much fun watching kids play (and being a big kid as I tobogganed as did Theo). After, we all went back to our home and I made the girls hot chocolate and lit a fire. They played dress-up and blocks and computer games. Rain is seven and Cassidy is four now. I know it has been awhile huh. At one point Cassidy turned to Kiki while on the hill and instructed her on how to properly climb back up the hill without ruining the sled run. As Kiki complied I heard Cassidy say to Kiki "This way Kiki. This way. Ohh thats fandasdic, Kiki. Thats my girl". Rain is constantly asking Theo or I to play with her. "Lets pretend we're Pumas dad. I'll be the girl Puma and you can be the daddy Puma." Sounds good to me.

Creative Writing

I'm taking this funky creative writing course at school. The prof is very interesting as he designed this course not just to get people writing, but to expose them to his way of writing which incorporates Zen art, meditation, stream of consciousness. Every time I sit down to write I have a new little story. I think I like it.

Fox Anchorman/Commentator

Ok, Bill O'Reilly is an idiot. If he were here beside me now I would force him into a boyscout uniform and yell at him "Shut up!"

Now Ye Be Warned

I received an email this evening that began "I would hate to find out that anyone had deleted this message or not passed it on". Of course I immediately stopped reading and deleted the damn thing. I like living life on the edge. If the original creator of that message and I should ever meet it could get quite interesting if not incendiary.

On Beslan

Perhaps the world powers have taken advantage of other countries and bilked them for all they are worth. Perhaps it is American bullets which kill Palestinians. Perhaps promises of support have been forgotten at crucial moments in the lives of certain peoples. One could understand a hatred for western culture and a desire to fight back; perhaps expect it really. But....to kill children goes beyond retribution. The terrorist movement which allowed the events in Beslan, Russia to happen are unfit for this planet. I can actually condone the hunt and extermination of these vermin which believe killing innocent children is a means to their ends. This sort of Islamic fundamentalism should be just as abhored by all of Islam as it is by the rest of the world. The really sad part of this (besides the act in Beslan itself) is that it is highly doubtful anyone from the Muslim world will take action to control these "renegade" fundamentalists.

...and now for something completely positive....

Looking for info on Yes? Then check out their site at ---> http://www.yesworld.com/ . It took me awhile to get used to the bands vocals, but their progressive style and transcendental lyrics won me over. "And You and I" is my fave. Even the name of the band is positive. Also, this site is really cool ----> http://www.101windchimes.com/sounds.html

Whilst surfing I happened upon this site ----> http://www.ubersite.com/ which I found ummmm ahhhh I found. I read a bit of one section on how this young person (I am assuming young) decided to use peer to peer networking for his amusement. He used audio files of Led Zeppelin, .38 Special, Billy Idol etc.. and changed the titles to things like "Naked boys dancing and eating cake." , "My Ex-Girlfriend mowing the lawn naked." , "Elephant cock horse." , "Grandma Bingo Sex." , "Girl on girl toe insertion (LEGAL)" etc.... Apparently he got a lot of hits on these titles. I think what I found even more entertaining are some of the replies he got to his posting. " whats wrong with wanting to see an emu take a dump?" "When I first downloaded "emu taking a dump" and was immediately disappointed, I never knew I would later find out that the author was you." "Its funny to change the name of a reo speedwagon clip to emu takin a dump, but whats terrible is people renaming 'hot anal gay sex' to 'kill bill vol2 dvdrip'. Bring death penalty back for those people!!" "Nice bullshit post. I tried to look up that shit, nothing showed up. I hope you get cancer." "jeanious" and my personal fave----> "Naked boys eating cake? Who are you? A fat scout master dishing out finger buns and saveloys? Poofter." If you peruse the site you will see many attractive titles that compel you to open and read of their content (much like watching a train wreck) such as Tattoos and Piercings are proof you are an asshole , Make others nervous around you in one easy step! , Why can't I get any lovin'?, I Was Raped By A Midget With Donkey Arms And All I Got Was This Crappy Hat, I Got Laid, I Got DWI, and I Caught a 50-Foot Shark , I ran over a hooker yesterday etc... Ladies and gentlemen I put it to you: Quality entertainment guaranteed to enrich your living experience. I blame budget cuts in education (and mental health) for the content on Ubersite.

The Cure

It seems Craig Killburn has a concert series airing for his latenight talkshow. I am not sure of the details. Perhaps this is temporary or an ongoing thing. It doesn't interest me that much. Flicking through the channels I happened upon his show and his guest was Robert Smith from "The Cure". Now, I have never been a fan of The Cure, but I have also never had any reason to dislike them. If a cd was playing of them it never bothered me and their persona never bothered me either. But....seeing Robert Smith doing an interview wearing red lipstick (mind you it was a nice shade) and his eyes painted black freaked me out a little. I mean the guy was born in '59. When The Cure arrived on the music scene I could relate to the makeup and the persona of Smith, but he's frickin' 45 yrs old. Hey, make a personal fashion statement if you want to, but change it up once in awhile. Imagine waking up to that look every morning of your life. I am in no way knocking the music of the group, what they have contributed to art, what they stand for etc..., but doesn't there come a point in ones life where such fashion statements become a little ridiculous? At one point it was "Look at me. I'm young, a popstar and a rebel and I'm cool." and I wouldn't argue with that. At another point it becomes "Look at me. I'm middle-aged, getting fat, wearing makeup, trying to look young and attract the dollars of youngsters." and that is a tad sad.

Richard Pryor

I was watching an episode of Saturday Night Live from the 70's last night which was hosted by Richard Pryor. He did this performance where he played an old man who was a drinker and a young man who is a junky living in the ghetto. This is his genius; making you laugh at an alcoholic and a junky struggling with poverty, yet at the same time conveying them as human allowing for empathy. The change from character to character is flawless and complete so much so that at moments you feel as if there were two of him on the stage. He ends the skit by having the old man state "You know what your problem is? You don't know how to deal with the white man! You got a white man complex. I know how to deal with him. That's why I'm in the position I'm in today." [drinks from the bottle, makes a face, screws the top back on, and pockets it] Thank you. [Much applause.] " This is the beauty of Pryor's comedy. That his plaintive messages are concealed just well enough to keep his audience engaged and highly entertained. There are and have been a great deal of talented comics through the years, but few of the level of genius of Richard Pryor.

Swimmin'

Cassie spins around and around in her little orange innertube bathing aparatus. Rain practices jumping into the water from the steps. Theo plays volleyball with the wall using a little turquoise coloured ball that doesn't bounce too well while she is wading in water up to her waist. I swim the length of the pool under the surface of the water studying the ripples reflected on the bottom. I am captivated by all these things. Happy family times.

Philosophy

Theo,Rain, Cassidy and I were at a barbecue last night with our circle of friends and most of their children. As the festivities were winding down one of our friends commented about our plans to move from Toronto falling through. She said it all happens for a reason. Its interesting that when things don't work out for us that we come up with proverbs to make ourselves feel better about the situation. "God only gives us what we can handle" "All things happen for a reason" etc.... Well, dear reader, its a load of crap. There is no rhyme or reason to life. If you think God only gives you what you can handle I have a few friends over the years who would beg to differ (if they were still alive). Sure all things happen for a reason. There is a reason why I need to pee every morning upon waking. There is a reason for showering. A runner sprains her ankle during a marathon and everyone around her says it all happens for a reason. Yes it does. The reason being that she stepped on an oak root and sprained her ankle. There is no great connection to the cosmos in these actions. We did not find employment through the school board in the Grand Erie District for the simple fact that nepotism is alive and well in that board. It does not mean that we are meant to stay in Toronto to serve some higher purpose. It does not mean that God wanted us to stay here to serve his will. So the next time you find yourself saying that it all happens for a reason, realize that by taking a line like this seriously you are only fooling yourself or another.

I directed a puppet play for a course I was taking last year at York. These two fine figures were my puppets; the director and writer from left to right. I took the first act from "Caucasian Chalk Circle" and wrote a play within a play mirroring the play itself.

Mr. Security

I run into this man who lives in my building from time to time who is this security guru. Apparently he offers training to RCMP officers and various security agencies. I bumped into him the other night and we got chatting about geo-political power. He made a point that I had not considered dealing with Iraq. There are many reasons as to why the U.S. is in Iraq (almost all for money), but one reason that surprised me was to fight the war on terror. Mr. Security said it was actually an intelligence ploy to invade Iraq. They knew there were no weapons of mass destruction and no eminent threat was present. No surprise there, but he went on to say that by having U.S. troops in Iraq was a way to lure "terrorists" out into the open to fight the kind of war the U.S. can win. Scary thoughts creeped into my head. The worst was that Prez Bush jr might not be as stupid as he looks (although he really is). These are evil times we live in my friends and evil begets evil (that line might even be in the bible so you may want to look it up) (It might also be in "Paradise Lost" "The Inferno" or Cher infomercials). "If I could turn back time". Hehe what a world.

SELL SELL SELL!!!!!

I recently upgraded my MSN Messenger to the latest free version and much to my dissapointment a pop-up screen now follows every time I sign in. It isn't enough that MSN makes scads of money through software and hardware I guess. Everywhere I turn there is a billboard, flyer, electronic sign etc... My local ESSO station has video screens above the pumps now. I can ignore the visuals, but the audio is pumped out just loud enough to drown out traffic. Movie theaters allowing comercials as part of the previews has got me ticked off as well. Have you noticed that all of us need a lot of work? There is no advertising that says "Hey, you know what? You look good. Your weight is healthy. Your skin tone is wonderful. I love your hair. You smell good enough to get that girl without the aftershave. Our rye isn't that good, but for its price its a good buy. Ok, the beer parties won't be so glamorous and you probably won't score, but at least you'll be drunk for awhile which allows you a little escapism from your crappy life." And what are they really trying to sell us? The unattainable of course. It keeps us hungry for the next fix.

Rain

Cassidy

...and when she smiles....

When I am in my most depressed state. When I am locked into thinking about the why of it all. When I think I cannot feel anything but despair.
She innocently looks up at me and into my eyes and illuminates me from the depths of my dark mind.

....and on the second day God created numbness....

We are numb from our summer ordeal. It has been a day since we dealt with the crushing defeat of having our dreams of moving squelched. It is all in my hands now and that requires me to finish up my school ASAP. Its a sad indictment of our education system (and society really) that your qualifications mean absolutely nothing unless they are desperately short staffed. One principal was good enough to tell us that he was like any other person in his position. He knew three people who had subbed at his school and that was his short list. He said that it made his life much easier by doing it this way instead of going through all the resumes etc... That just about all principals do it this way. So, our plan is to move to the outskirts of their school board which will allow Theo to commute and leave me to shmooze (I hope I spelled that right) by joining the PTA and volunteering my time to help the school out wherever I can. As Bob Dylan sang "You may be the devil or you may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody". I have always had a hard time with this crap. The system is set up that if you want to get ahead you have to kiss someone's ass. Sacrifice a little dignity for a better life. A fair trade? A little of your soul for some money? I am sure those of you that have already done this don't see it this way. I would gladly volunteer to help a school out (I do now) or join the PTA of my own free volition. Its being forced to find the right hoops to jump through that pisses me off. Anyways, I am still pissed off (I know I know) and so rant on.

Driving Adventures

Me and Theo alone in the car driving down a rural highway after we dropped off a resume in Langton. Music blaring and all smiles as we miss the turn-off for Port Rowan. Stop and turn back and miss the turn-off again. Laugh. Do a u-turn in front of the OPP station and make the turn. Roll into Port Rowan. Park. Go into a cafe for lunch. Chicken-cheddar-broccoli-chowder. Earl Grey. Old timers chatting over lunch. How he came to be the owner of a lumber mill? One day he had 3000 chickens and 600 pigs and he realized he hated farming. His wife asked what he was good at and he said nothing. It worked out well for him. Young woman at the counter makes me think about my girls. She says she loves Port Rowan. I picture Rain and Cassidy water skiing, playing baseball, soccer, skating. Back into the car and to Port Dover. We are so happy and full of hope. We fully savor the moment. A good thing too as the near future (now) isn't as nearly as beautiful, hopeful and full of life.

Yes, yes. I know.

I am quite aware of the irony of calling my hypocrisy irony. Its a viscious cycle.

As An Added Bonus

Yes. I am quite aware of the irony of my last post. I may be complaining, but it is not worth shooting me yet. Be patient. That time will come.

On Wasting Away

A friend who lives in one of the other buildings in our complex told me of a notice she received. It stated that all dogs (she has a jack russel two years younger than my Micmac) must not be allowed to pee anywhere on the grounds. I guess there were complaints. Seems people like to find things to complain about. How they plan to prevent dogs from peeing is another story, but the notices were sent. There are quite a number of elderly people who live in these buildings, many of who are really super nice folk. But, there are some who spend their days looking for "trouble". In the common area in our building a gang of old ladies (yes a gang---they are getting leather jackets and billy-clubs) screamed bloody murder when a couple let their children play in the lobby. Then they yelled when a group of three Italian retirees were meeting every evening in the lobby to talk. Their complaints apparently were enough to get letters sent to the "culprits" requesting they desist their clandestine maneuvers. And what does yours truly see occurring the last few weeks? Why these same old ladies sitting in the common area chatting away. Now, would any of you please just shoot me when/if I ever reach that stage in my old age where my life is concerned with where dogs pee, kids play (as long as its a safe area) or where friends gather in a common area to discuss life. I think we could all use a little work in this area in any case. I guess when you get older and don't have work to consume so much of your energy you pretty much have time to master the concept of inventing complaints to get emotional about. So, don't worry about who sleeps with who, who eats hotdogs, what your room-mate is wearing or that guy at the office who scratches his crotch a little too often. Just take care of your own crap. Spend a little more time figuring out who you are. What you want to be when you grow up.

The Dude Strikes Again

The bank my wife and I deal with called the other day. I answered the phone as my wife was indisposed at that particular moment. They asked for her, but I told the employee she was busy and asked if I could help. This is pretty much that conversation:
Me: what's this concerning?
BE (Bank Employee): Its just a courtesy call, sir. We have some special deals going on to our customers at present.
Me: Really? I'm a customer of your bank. What's the deal?
BE: Well, its to do with special benefits we offer.
Me: Ok, so let me in on these special benefits.
BE: I'm sorry,sir, but I can't give this information over the phone.
Me: But I am her husband. We have loans through your bank. We were just pre-approved for a mortgage. We have joint accounts.
BE: I am sorry, sir. Is there a time when I can reach your wife to discuss this?
Me: No. There is not a time you can reach my wife and good luck trying to get a hold of her. "Click"
Is it me or have these corporations become completely insane? If you want to see the separation between church and state at its grandest you need look no further than the banks. They don't recognize marriage. Every "member" is an individual (cash cow) to them and they have developed a secret society over the years where everyone gets a super-secret password that not even your spouse can have access to. Through these practices I have deduced that banks are all actually related through a secret society. There are actually really no different banks. They are all the same corporation with different names to create an illusion. That's right people. Banks are a cover for the Free Masons. I know some of you are saying "Free Masons? How do I get one? The Mason we have working on our chimney is charging us $30.00 an hour." Well, I say to you, dear reader, that you are being ripped off much the same way your bank is stealing from you left and right. Do you see the correlation here? I rest my case.

Being There

I was delighted to see that tvo last night aired the movie "Being There" with Shirley McLean and Peter Sellers. This was Sellers swan song performance as Chance the gardener. It goes to show that not much has changed in the political game since 1971 when Jerzy Kosinski published his novel. It also takes a satirical look at television and the importance placed upon the sound byte to sway the masses. I mentioned that I watched this movie to an acquaintance earlier today and they said that they had watched some of the movie, but found it boring and stupid. I will save you the trouble and spare those of you that are of the like mind of this acquaintance; do not watch this movie (or read the novel) if you are shallow, self-serving or have a simplistic outlook upon the socio-politico-economic environment of the western world. Personally, if I had to have a "High Fidelity" top-ten moment, this movie would definitely crack the list. There are very few stories that relate how self-deceiving/self-serving this society really is and do it in such a multi-dimensional way. This is one of those stories that is the exception to the rule when movies are converted from novels. This movie truly takes on a higher life through this medium and allows for each event to demonstrate a facet of the illusionary world we live in. It is, indeed, an illusion within an illusion. "I have no use for those on welfare, no patience whatsoever.... But, if I am to be honest with myself, I must admit that they have no use for me, either." or "When I was a boy, I was told that the Lord fashioned us from his own image. That's when I decided to manufacture mirrors." So many perfect lines to quote from and so many ideas to fathom. "Life is a state of mind"

On Fame

Here is a tip for any of you out there thinking of becoming famous. You have to prepare yourself for the fall before you get into the thick of it. When you begin your ascension to stardom you must know deep down that once you have made it to the top the adoring public will be willing and quite happy to tear you down. This is just human nature. People feel great about supporting a winner, but love even more to turn a winner into a loser. That fall from grace makes a lot of people feel really good about themselves. So, know that this will come and enjoy the ride. Have fun with your downfall. Even ham it up like your a wrestler. Of course, this does not give you license to sell out to major corporations like The Who, Rolling Stones or Led Zeppelin have in allowing their songs be used to sell cars, clothes and a way of life far from what they espoused in their younger days. Then again, they are really old and need a retirement home in Monaco.

We Got Called

Theo got a call from the reserve today requesting an interview. Dare we hope? Theo is trying not to get her hopes up so she is sulking and pouting as much as she can muster. Its funny that for years I have battled to get out of Toronto, but now that its a possibility it is Theo who is set on moving. If not for the kids I might even have backed out of moving, but the idea of having a backyard, nice house, home near their grandparents and a safer environment for them has tipped the scales. Being Mr. Mom for the last few years has really made me a better person.

On One of Those Days

I lay in the sand with Cassidy in my arms who continued to cry for the first hour. The wind whipped up the sand and stung your skin and there was no cover to be had. The sun shone down bright and hot and the waves crashed high. Ring-billed gulls hovered about waiting for the opportunity to pilfer anything edible you might have once you stepped away from your wares. When we got back to my mom's house I had grains of sand stuck all over my body and lake grass/weed as well. Cassidy stopped crying for all of about 30 minutes until she took her nap and I had to endure the conversation of two PMSing women. And I wouldn't have traded that day for the world.

Cassidy

My two year old has this special call which is exclusively for my benefit. It is this guttural cat with a hairball sound which, if she could speak in this manner, would be akin to the possessed little girl from the exorcist. She will not quit until I return the call and I cannot seem to break this habit. She is so stubborn that she will not give it up. She calls me all the time "Daddy. Daddy. Daddy", but two or three times a day I must answer the call or be doomed to hours of freaky exorcist sounds. My sister has named her "Quest for Fire", but that moniker (great word) is dying off as she begins to talk more. Ah the joys of parenthood.

On the Native Front

I am an assistant manager for a native website and have been given the official title of "Scholar and Gatekeeper". What it really amounts to is me helping out in the decision making process, but mostly it is to write all the legal stuff associated with this lodge and say whatever needs to be said to the members. Today was very interesting as a number of us got together for a chat. I was appalled at the dramatics employed, especially those from the "elders", that I now stand believing that it is totally impossible to make these web groups work as far as spirituality is concerned. I am excited that Theo has a good chance at a job on a reservation for the fall, close to where we want to live. I believe that will be the imputus for me to actually learn face to face which really is the only way. I begin to understand why it is an oral tradition and not a written one. Words can be so beautiful, soulful, poetic etc... but it is next to impossible to convey a spiritual event in words. So much feeling cannot be written.

On Overhearing a Conversation

My wife and daughter of five were chatting the other day and this cracked me up:
Rain: Mom, can you buy me a camera?
Theo: Well, I think you're a bit too young to have a camera.
Rain: Oh Mom
Theo: No honey. You are too young. I'll buy you a camera when you are eight ok.
Rain: Ok mommy and when I turn eight and you give me the camera I will pretend to be surprised.

To You Know Who

Some day you might see that I am not as crazy as you actually believe me to be. And some day you might never need that vengeance. And some day you might just realize that we were both in the same boat. And some day you might realize that we were all just trying to survive. And some day you might realize that survival makes people do desperate things. And some day you might realize that it really is just about the love and that the hate kills more of you than of the other. And some day you will realize your death and then you will have known your life. And some day there will be endless possibilities.

On the Delicate Balance

My friend James is a medicine man and has taught me some very valuable lessons and made me aware of things I knew, but did not know. For instance, learning how to keep a foot in each world. For me it is this western world in which I live and the spiritual world where I dwell. I have found it difficult in the past to not allow myself to get caught up in the dramas we very often create. There have been so many pointless trivialities that I have allowed myself to fixate on that have at times actually hurt my spirit by my failing to follow my heart. As I grow older I become more relaxed and happy and it becomes clearer on how I shall rid myself of the baggage I have accrued. Conversely, I know many people who follow a Native American spiritual path who (in my opinion) go way too far. I often see those who have turned this path into the same dogmatic organized religious orders that control and infect the minds of a large portion of this world. There are so many who give everything to "God" (insert whatever figure you like) and nothing of themselves. Its almost as if they have stopped taking responsibility for anything they might have done or will do which is a sorry way to live your life as well as a pretty convenient way to escape lifes bumps and bruises. But, it is very possible to keep a foot in each world and to gain a balance in your life without any form of extremism. Of course, this is my belief and you may completely disagree.

Again....On Being Profound

Excuse the last post. It was a little weak I admit, bit it served that particular moment well. What tripped me was reading my sisters blog to which I found a link to another site that happened to have a number of people from our hometown. I read some of their blogs and became a little philosophical. One idea was 'why do we do this?'. I'm not exactly sure why I am writing these ideas where by chance a reader might come upon them. Are we looking for attention? Is this really a mechanical diary in which we have left the drawer open so that mom and dad can see what a good person they raised? Is this a cyber personality contest? Perhaps (and I am hopeful this might be the heart of the matter) we all just want to make some sort of contact so others can see we are decent, caring people. That this is a search into ones soul and a way to bring ourselves outside of our walls so we can explore our creative sides a little. Investigate our wit, passion, compassion, cynicism etc.... In any case I am consoled in the fact that I cannot see you rolling your eyes at me.

On Being Profound

Ahahahahahaha.

On Gurus

I had to cancel our annual trip to our camping spot this summer. This is the first time in almost ten years we won't make it. So....this is a very depressing household today. I was in such a funk that I just lay in bed all day moping. And I thought of the teachings of wiser people than myself who might say "You create your own happiness. Life is lived within the moment wherever you are. Happiness is a choice you make as is sadness." And then I thought "Fuck you Jack. This was Agawa Bay. Ancient pines. Sand and stone. Waterfalls. Watching my girls have the time of their lives." Damn stupid Gurus.

I Am So Lost

I must admit to not understanding the whole Hilary Duff, Olsen twins, Paris Hilton phenomina. I mean I get it, but whoa what the hell. People really want to know whats going on in the lives of these "stars". I was watching a movie and a newsbreak came on and announced Dustin Hoffman was recovering from a bee sting and that he had medication with him to treat his allergy. I thought 'Who the fuck cares if he got stung by a bee. If he dies from a bee sting let me know, but otherwise air something noteworthy'. As a matter of fact I don't really care if you announce his death or not unless of course his last wish was to be buried wearing his costume from "Tootsie". At least that would be halfway entertaining. Is the worlds population stupid enough to drive itself to extinction while it places more importance on Paris Hilton pretending to be a police officer over creating a sustainable green environment? Oh of course it is that stupid. Don't be silly. On my next post there may be some skinny on Avril Lavigne.

On the Planet

With everyone in the western world believing it their right and privilege to over populate, drive, air condition and generally waste as much energy as they like, one can safely bet on humanity continuing onward towards its mass suicide. Unless of course we can make saving the planet a trendy issue to focus on much like this seasons garb on sale at The Gap.

That moment which you come to terms of how insignificant you really are is that moment when you become no longer insignificant.

New Home for...

My sister and her Paco have bought a new house downtown. Congratulations to them! I think they will be just fine. I look forward to them returning the favour when Theo, the girls and I move into our new home which will hopefully be soon. Adios

Also

My wife informs me that she was unhappy with the previous point and I would just like to state to all of you that I was only joking. She is the ruler of the home and is the better decorator. I of course would never ever consider supposing for one second that I was a better decorator. She is also smart, funny, sexy, charming, wise and exceptionally beautiful.

On Homes

Theo and I have been visiting the town of Port Dover over the last few years since my parents moved there. We have fallen in love with this town for its charm and its ethics. We are trying, with all our might, to land a job there for her so we can relocate and move into one of only a few (10ish perhaps) dream homes. Our latest find has us arguing over roof colour (its a steel roof) and what we want to do with the vinyl siding (yellow). I am letting her think she is getting her way at the moment, but when (being positive here) we move into this house my plan will come into being and I will once again be supreme ruler of our home. Silly woman---you are no match for the Chard!

Theo and Rain (my wife and child) are off to see Shrek II while I stay home and look after Cassy who will be napping momentarily. They are going to Silvercity which is code for "Corporate Giant that put privately owned theatres out of business". Theo and I have been trying to gain employment in Port Dover ON as it seems to be some sort of rogue town. No Wal-mart, Zellers, Canadian Tire, Gap, McDonald's, Wendy's or Silver City. The corporate world has next to no foothold on this little town and they seem to want to keep it that way. They have not even allowed the hotel chains in as accomodations are owned and operated privately with Bed and Breakfast places in high demand. I look back to what malls have done to my hometown. Once it had a thriving downtown business district that was quaint and served as the backbone of the community. A mall was erected and did detract from the small business on the main street, but a living was still to be had. Then another mall was erected and business really began to take a dive. Strip malls opened all over the city as well all occupied by the big corporate companies. You could no longer carve out a decent living for your family as a small business owner and were left with working for the very chains that put you under. Instead of making a comfortable income that allowed you to have a decent home, car etc... you wound up working for near poverty wages. And still people wonder why the rich get richer.

Before I type something brilliant I must fetch a cup of tea.